The All Singing, All Dancing Return Of The Phoenix
by Mitsaso-X
Summary: Five years after her heroic death in the hands of Magneto, the Phoenix returns, and she's back in heat! Plus, she's got a serious inclination to singing and dancing, and the same goes for everyone else in the whole story as well! So...let the show begin!
1. Default Chapter

Title: The All-Singing, All-Dancing Return of the Phoenix

Author: Mitsaso

E-mail: , Mitsasoin.gr

Archive: I would love it if my fics could spread around and infect the world in the form of archiving! Just inform me first so that I can cackle evilly while my plan comes to a conclusion!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the X-Men; they belong to Marvel and Stan Lee. I swear to return them back to their place once I finish playing with them. They will be unharmed, except for their poor vocal chords, who will be irreversibly overused after the end of this fic. No profit is made of this story, so please hold back the urge to sue me. However, I can still be sued about the severed vocal chord thing, in case Marvel decides to attach wav. files in their comics only to find that the X-characters can't sing anymore!

Rating: PG-13. There might be some intense language, even in the singing process.

Summary: Five years after her heroic death in the hands of Magneto, the Phoenix returns, and she's back in heat! Plus, she's got a serious inclination to singing and dancing, and the same goes for everyone else in the whole story as well! So...let the show begin! (Now that I think about it, it just seems like my very own, twisted little version of X-Men: The End)

Warnings: This story is in a musical format! Almost everyone gets to sing in this fic, and most of the songs also proceed the story by giving information and doing stuff. There are 14 songs (most of them well-known) used in this fic, and most of the songs have many of their lyrics altered to fit the story better. A few of them are untouched, though. It would add to the story if you guys had some of these songs already and listened to them during their "usage" in the fic, since you would be able to 'visualize' the whole scene. A list of the songs used is right here, placed in order of usage. But since most of them are modified to accommodate the needs of the story, there will also be the name of the modified version of the song as used in the fic. The copyrights belong to the people who created them (though it's a little difficult to name them all, so I'll name none).

1) Fly Me To The Moon - Eva Cassidy (this song is intact in this story, just added it for the heck of it).

2) Staying Alive - Bee Gees (the title is the same, but the rest of the song has been changed from the singing Phoenix)

3) Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cindy Lauper (in the story it's "X-Girls Just Wanna Have Fun")

4) She - Elvis Costello (the lyrics are almost intact here, same goes for the title.)

5) How Deep is Your Love - Bee Gees (but Scott Summers sings it as "How Deep Is Your Grave")

THE ALL-SINGING, ALL-DANCING RETURN OF THE PHOENIX

Part 1: "The All-Singing, All-Dancing Ressurection of The Phoenix"

The dark depths of space welcomed the penetrating presence of the big, metal object who was traveling close to the big, blue planet, whose own inhabitants used to call "Earth".

A big, red 'X' was formed on the front of the aforementioned metal object, revealing that it was a spaceship that had exited the atmosphere of Earth a few hours ago. Actually, it wasn't even designed as just a spaceship. It was just that all current X-Jets were equally capable of handling space travel as well as short flights to the closest city or something.

One could tell that there must have been serious business for an X-Jet to travel in space, maybe another intergalactic danger or a diplomatic episode with an alien tribe. But none of those were true in this occasion, since the two people inside the X-Jet were taking a short space-trip.

Alex Summers, brother of Cyclops, the leader of the X-Men, had just married the woman of his life, Annie Ghazikanian, and as a honeymoon trip they had chosen a short walk on the moon...I mean, what could be more romantic than being taken to the moon with your newlywed husband? Annie's son, Carter, was left with the Mansion's staff to be baby-sitted, and now Annie and Havok could enjoy their space honeymoon with no worries about anyone's safety.

And Annie surely must have agreed to this idea of Alex, because she was now singing with a sweet abandon to her guy, a song that seemed to really fit the occasion, considering that the X-Jet-Spaceship was heading to the moon... Mood music filled the limited air in the jet and Annie's relaxed voice echoed all over the place...

"Fly me to the moon

Let me play among those stars

Let me see what spring is like

On Jupiter and Mars

In other words, hold my hand

In other words, darling kiss me"

Continuing her sweet and romantic song, Annie hugged her hubby and pecked his cheek as he kept driving the Jet towards the moon's surface. A satisfied and flattered smile swept across his blushing face.

"Fill my heart with song

Let me sing for ever more

You are all I long for

All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true

In other words, I love you"

As her unusually talented voice filled the room, the stars seemed to shine a little brighter through the unbreakable glass that parted the Jet's interior from the outer space, adding to the atmosphere.

"Fly me to the moon

Let me play among those stars

Let me see what spring is like

On Jupiter and Mars

In other words, hold my hand

In other words, darling kiss me"

Her song came close to an end just as the Jet was landing on the moon's surface, and guess what; the supposedly cold and unwelcoming surface of the moon almost seemed decorated with small shining lights all over the place (but really, it was just the stars). Annie stared outside the window in awe and excitement as she finished her song.

"Fill my heart with song

Let me sing for ever more

You are all I long for

All I worship and adore

In other words, please be trueeeeeeeeee

In other words, I love yououououououou

In other words, I love you"

A few moments after the jet had landed, Alex and Annie descended from it, wearing their not-so-romantic astronaut-like suits. Holding hands, they jumped together above a small crater, giggling in the process.

"This is so neat, if someone told me years ago that my first honeymoon would be on the moon's surface, I would have called him crazy....among other, heavier names." she said to Alex in a happy schoolgirl voice.

"I'm glad you like it, honey." was all that he could respond in his post-marriage bliss.

"And I'm glad that you finally decided to make that damn proposal...Who could believe that you would wait for your older brother to remarry before you finally took the decision to follow his example once more..."

"Excuse me, what does that mean? Did you imply that I always mimic Scott?"

"In this case it's not really a negative, I mean, after all, I got to marry you." She just kept rambling, unaware of how mean her previous words sounded.

"Annie, you-" he began to talk, but as they were jumping over another crater, they realized that it was too big for them to reach the other side, and they fell inside.

They both landed on their butts, but although the altitude they fell off from was pretty high, the absence of gravity made the fall quite slow, harmless, even pleasant.

"Wheeeee!" Annie said as the ride down ended. "Let's do it again!"

"No, wait...what is this place?" Alex said as his head rotated, taking in the sight of the strange place around them. The crater was full of bizarre alien ruins, most of them made of stone or carved on the stony ground.

"Whoa. Suddenly our honeymoon trip also got an archaeological interest!" Annie said with added excitement. Not any newlywed bride would be able to visit alien ruins on her honeymoon, and she was the only one who had that privilege. Even with the con of being unable to do the smoochie-smoochie with her husband due to those stupid spacesuits.

"I think those are Shi'Ar ruins or something...I don't know, I never paid enough attention to those special alien geography classes anyway!" Annie couldn't tell if Alex was joking or there really were such classes back at that wacky mansion of theirs...so she just gave in to her inner voices who were encouraging her to do groundbreaking stuff;

"So? C'mon, let's explore this place! I want to get to know for myself what all these ruins are!" she said, poking Havok at the shoulder, making him go further towards the main temple-like abandoned building.

As they entered the weird temple and went further in, their attention was drawn to the stone-carved chapel at the back of the temple.

"What is this?" Annie asked, gaping inside the chapel.

Inside the rather large chapel, a huge egg was lying...it was big enough for a medium sized dinosaur to hatch it.

"Oh my god...I certainly don't want to be around when this egg's mommy comes around..." Annie said with a trembling voice.

"Annie dear...I don't think that any kind of egg-bearing monster would choose this cold place as a nest...it certainly isn't the most appropriate place to raise babies either..."

"That's bull Alex... What do you suggest; that this egg was abandoned here? What if the thing that left this overgrown golf ball here just decides to return and feed it with us? Oh Alex, I told you we should have gone to Myconos instead...!"

"Annie, could you please --just shut up! I just remembered what this thing here reminded me of!"

"You mean, you've seen it again?"

"Yeah! This--this egg....it's Jean!"

"Jean? Oh, you mean that redhead that your brother was married to when I first came to the mansion? The one that Xorn-Magneto killed a few months later and is supposed to always return from the dead, but we haven't heard from for the last five years? It's that Jean that you're talking about? Jean Grey-Summers?"

"Jeez, Annie! You sound like some stupid recap page! Cut it out! It's creepy!"

"Well, I never knew that your ex-sister-in-law would be an amphibian..."

"...WHAT!?!"

"Well....she is in an egg, isn't she?"

"Yeah, Annie, you're right, the Phoenix Force inside Jean is really a gigantic flaming frog."

"So, what are we going to do with this? Crack it open?"

"ANNIE!"

"What? Was it something I said?"

"For the love of God, we can't crack the Phoenix egg open! What if Jean is not ready to hatch yet? We might kill her!"

"Well, she can't hatch by herself! Isn't there, like, a huge frog that can sit on it and warm it up until it hatches?"

"Frog eggs hatch by themselves, Annie dear. They don't need Momma Froggie to warm them."

"Well, this is different. Maybe we're supposed to warm it up ourselves, with blankets or your powers or something. We could at least call back home and tell them we found her, and then transport her back to Earth and wait for her to hatch."

Until that moment, the poor Phoenix egg had gotten tired and frustrated by their ongoing rambling and decided to hatch by itself. As the egg slowly cracked open, a great shine came out of its insides and illuminated the whole temple, startling Alex and Annie who were lost on their argument till then.

A flaming female figure appeared through the blinding light and with slender moves exited the egg she was resting in until that moment.

The light slowly subsided, and Jean Grey -Summers' figure was now clear, her fiery curls framing her pale face like a raging fire. More accurately, her hair was made of flames!

As she looked at the humans who had awakened her, a funky tune suddenly started playing, a very well-known funky tune indeed.

The Phoenix started shaking her hips with the tune and ran a hand sensually down her thigh as a huge disco ball came out of nowhere and levitated above her head.

The ultimate superficial being, the devourer of galaxies and the life and power incarnate, the Phoenix Force, began singing with a polyphonic voice her own version of a very popular song among the simple, mortal humans:

"Well, you can tell by the way my hair's on fire,

I'm da Phoenix Force and I'm getting high!

Shi'Ar armies, alien clones, I've been killed around

Since I was born.

But now it's all right!-- It's OK!

And you may look the other way.

We can try to understand

Why can't I just stay dead for once!"

A ballet of human-shaped flames appeared around the flame-headed Phenoix and joined her in the chorus, at the same time swinging their hips and pointing to the roof a la John Travolta.

"Whether you're a husband or a surrogate father,

I'm stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

Feel the planet breakin' and everybody shakin', people,

Stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive!

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' aliveeeeeeeeeeeee!"

With a gusto that the world had never witnessed again, The Phoenix resumed her solo singing as her fiery replicates kept doing funky dancing tricks behind her, making it seem like Disco music and the 70's had never been out of fashion, just abducted and brought over there, the surface of the moon, reliving all the glory they once rejoiced!

"Well now, I was low but I got back high,

And if I can't get even, I really shall try.

Got the Phoenix fires on my shoes;

I'm a bit of undead so I just can't lose.

You know it's all right! It's OK!

I'll live to see another day.

Now I can try to get back home

And see the reaction of my homme!"

"Whether you're a husband or a surrogate father,

I'm stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

Feel the planet breakin' and everybody shakin', people,

Stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive."

As the Phoenix and her (literally!) flame-dancers kept dancing and singing in synch, the temple around them started glowing in every color of the rainbow. Alex and Annie were too terrified and amazed at the superficial video clip in front of their eyes to realize that the whole moon had turned into a giant shiny Disco Ball!

"How will I find Xavier's?. Somebody help me.

Somebody help me, yeah.

How will I find Xavier's? Somebody help me, yeah.

Stayin' aliiiiiiiiiiiiive!"

With a sudden move of her hand, Jean made her flame ballet pulverize into thin air and kept going solo, this time dancing ON the disco ball.

"Well, you can tell by the way I got revived,

I'm a mighty bitch who's hard to die

I gave my life some years ago, just to fix my hubby up

with some wicked ho'.

But now it's all right! It's OK!

I'm kicking her outta my way.

I was too kind with both of them

But now their cheating butts are dead!.

Whether you're a husband or a bitching little mistress,

I'm stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

Feel the planet breakin' and everybody shakin', people,

Stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive!

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive!"

As the loud music and the cosmic singing abruptly ended, Annie and Alex were left there, looking at Jean with newfound awe.

"Hello dears. Missed me?" Jean said, using her intimidating Phoenix voice.

"Jean! Eh-eh, we-we didn't expect to see you again so soon!" Alex mumbled out as he poked Annie to make sure she wouldn't say something stupid as usual and anger the Phoenix.

"What do you mean 'so soon'?" Jean said, switching back to her normal voice. "How long had I been...developing?" she added, glimpsing for a second behind her, at the broken remains of the huge egg.

"Well, it has been...well, five years." Alex responded and closed his eyes, fearing her reaction. The truth is, he didn't know much about the nature of the Phoenix Force, because she would never react like a bitchy woman on PMS when she heard something unpleasant, and she certainly wouldn't take her anger on some innocent messenger.

However, Jean by herself wasn't going to be exactly that cool with that.

"FIVE YEARS?!?" she mouthed in hysterical shock. This is too much? Well, is Scott okay? Did I miss anything? Is he still with that...-"

"Everyone is fine, Jean, but you really must know a few things before going to-"

"Ohhh, the burden! The agony! All these little questions, the curiosity, the excitement! I can't just sit here and wait for you to fill me in! I have to get there and get to know by myself, in the most direct way possible!" she interrupted him.

Alex just winced at the mental image of Jean finding out about everything in an abrupt way, with no prep talks and such stuff. But he decided to stick to his initial plan, which was not to anger Jean-and therefore the cosmic force inside her.

"Do you want us to get you back home with our spaceship?", he offered. That way they could somehow fill her in the last five years on the way back home.

"Don't be silly! I'm the Phoenix! I can fly there in a few minutes if I want to." she said as she slowly began to 'flame on' and rise from ground level. "What were you two doing here in the first place, anyway?" she expressed this little question as soon as it came up her brown matter.

"Honeymoon", Annie mouthed, breaking her silence, and flashed a blinding smile, putting her arms around her husband and imitating some family ad for a washing machine back in the 50's.

"Ohhhh! I'm so happy for you! Well, see? I wouldn't want to interrupt your honeymoon anyway, if you guys had to fly me back home!" a sweet smile formed on her face as she began flying towards the exit. "Excuse me, but I have to leave this place. You should now how hard it is to spend 5 whole years without sex, right? So I gotta find Scott ASAP!"

"Jean, I wouldn't..." Annie tried to inform her of something, but Alex pinched her elbow and made her shut up. So Jean felt free to continue her greeting words:

"Well, it was good to see you! we'll meet again back home, darlings! Ta-ta!"

"Eeeer...bye." they said in unison. And that was all they said until they were sure that the Phoenix was long gone. Because once they were sure she was gone, Annie was hasty to break the silence:

"Well, Alex dear, shouldn't we be going as well? I'm not exactly in the mood for more alien-relic-exploring anymore."

"Are you kidding? I'm not going back to Earth with Jean there, especially once she gets to know what happened those last five years! We're staying here for as long as possible."

"But, Alex-"

"My decision is final. Now, let's stick to that exploring-plan we initially came up with, okay?"

The Xavier Institute For Higher Learning.

Everything seemed calm and serene at the current residence of the X-Men. It was Sunday morning and there were no classes for the mansion's resident mutant students or teachers (and good-natured do-gooders), so everyone must have been still sleeping or chilling inside the mansion. But the sun was warm and shiny and the temperature logically warm (which meant that Storm wasn't on a bad hair day), so anytime now someone had to come out and enjoy the weather.

And they did. The main door of the mansion abruptly opened, and some women got out in the sun, just as soon as some cheerful teen pop music sprung into existence. The group of ladies consisted of Rogue, Kitty Pride and Polaris, who were being led by an all happy-go-lucky, funky-dory Jubilee. They all were cheerfully walking towards the pond in the Institute's vicinity, and Jubilee was going ahead of them, as the others were smiling, even laughing, and carrying stuff like towels, sunscreen and other fun-in-the-sun related things. They walked and walked, and their movement was funky and accorded to the music.

Jubes was the one who began singing just as the music was getting to a point where it should be accompanied by someone's voice:

"Come home

With the morning light

When we have just gone through a huge superhero fight

We gotta sit back and simply slack off

X-girls, they wanna have fun

X-girls just wanna have fun

The com rings

In the middle of the night

And our team leader says "We gotta saves lives tonite"

Oh Cyclops dear, too much work makes a gal tired

X-girls they wanna have fun

X-girls just wanna have

Thats all they really waaaaaaaaaaaant

Some fuuuuuun

When the ass-kickin' day is done

X-girls they wanna have fun

Oh X-girls just wanna have fun"

All the other ladies chorused her with wide smiles as they followed her, imitating her semi-walking, semi-dancing movement while Jubilee did a circle around herself while walking with large steps:

"--Girls, they wanna

wanna have fun"

Girls,

wanna have--"

They started whistling to the song's tune as they finally reached the pond. Arranging their towels on the grass and they all started undressing, getting ready to lie down and enjoy the sun on their mutant skin. However, Jubilee only had to take off her yellow trench coat, revealing her glowing pink bath suit underneath. Therefore she didn't have to take any other clothes off and simply put on her cool fuchsia sunglasses as she resumed her lead singing, flashing an "I look so cool in those" grin at the imaginary camera:

"All these years

many shit have occurred

Ol' Magneto thrashed our home--we had to built it again

And all our missions were a big, tiring bore

Now girls, they wanna have fun

And X-girls just wanna have

That's all they really waaaaaaaaaant

Is some fuuuuuuuuuuuun

When the heroing day is done

X-girls they wanna have fun

X-girls just wanna have fun"

The other ladies had by then left only their bikinis and sunglasses on and lied on their towels,so they resumed to support Jubilee's singing, all the time swinging their long, beautiful legs back and forth in synchrony above their sprowled bodies. They also had their books out and in front of them, and they opened them and closed them in synch with the beat.

"--Girls, they wanna

wanna have fun"

Girls,

wanna have--

They just wanna--They just wanna--

They just wanna--They just wanna--

--girls--

--girls just wanna have fun

They just wanna--They just wanna--

They just wanna--They just wanna--

They just wanna--They just wanna

--girls--

--girls just wanna have fun

When the ass-kickin'--

When the ass-kickin' day is done--

Oh when the ass-kickin'day is done

Oh girls--

X-girls just wanna have fun"

Suddenly Rogue got up from her towel and went after a startled Jubilee, who run for cover in the pond. Both Storm and Lorna also stood up and joined the others in the warm water. They were all a happy party of girls who were having fun in a normal day in the X-Mansion. Water splashed from their hands to all directions and made their hair (who until then hadn't been dipped in the water for obvious reasons) a real wet mess. And as they sang and laughed and giggled, the song reached to an end.

"They just wanna--They just wanna--

They just wanna--They just wanna--

--X-girls

X-girls just wanna have fun

When the heroing

When the heroing day is done

Oh when the ass-kickin' day is done

X-girls

X-girls just wanna have fun"

What the girls didn't notice while playing in the pond, was that it came from the sky. insert horror crescendo here

The massive blob of fire that descended from the atmosphere was resembling a comet, a comet of such girth that could put the planet in an pre-dinosaur era once more. However, as the big fiery thing that came from the sky closed in, its huge edges of fire began to fade away, and the unknown flaming object seemed smaller and smaller instead of bigger.

Eventually, the object was close enough for Polaris to notice it.

"Jubilee! ALL OF YOU! Get out of the water!"

Then she realized that the still diminishing comet-like thing was slowly taking the form of... a woman with her hair on fire. A woman that splashed head-first in the pond and made hot water fly everywhere, as the small pond began boiling.

"What the hell is that?!?" Jubilee's extremely rational question was instantly raised.

"It mus' have been some kind of comet." was Rogue's most logical conclusion.

"No...no. I saw it. It is..."

"What is it, Lorna?" Both girls could tell that there were already enough dramatic pauses in this story.

But it was too late for the specific dramatic pause to be broken. The pond's water had been boiling to such an extreme temperature that most of it had already turned into aerial form. A figure was now apparent into the shallow (still) boiling waters, and it didn't look like a big alien rock or something.

"Jean?"

The woman took her time to exit the big bump in the ground that was once called "a pond" and then got the time to look at the three other women (yup, five years had passed, now even Jubilee can be called a 'woman'!).

"I believe that would be me. You know, it is amazing how one can die, hatch from a cosmic egg a few years later and still remain the same."

The three X-Girls looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Maybe they just didn't realize how lucky they were that there was no Dark Phenoix this time to come loose onto their asses.

"I can tell that there have been some great changes since the last time I was here. Care to show me around? Or maybe I should go straight to my Scottie-boy and get some welcoming smoochies from him first."

This time the looks that the gals exchanged were with worrying crossed eyebrows and not ironic, raised ones. There was something wrong and Jean couldn't tell what it was. But they were absolutely sure that once Jean found out what was wrong, a lot of other things would also go wrong and then there would be too many wrong stuff for them to hang around. And that would be the case only if Jean wasn't the Dark Phoenix; cause in that case the only thing guaranteed would be Jean shaking hips over a flaming Institute singing "Burning Down The Mansion".

"Eeer... you know, Jean, we're actually a bit too busy to show you around right now; but just you wait a little over here and we'll send a student to get you a complete tour of our rebuilt mansion. Okay?" Jubilee's mind seemed to do all the evil thinking around there since Bobby Drake (the other resident mischief maker) had left the mansion (but that's a story we'll indulge into later). They could have a total newbie come over there and do the dirty work; show the Phoenix around, including getting her to Cyclops. In the meanwhile, Jubes and the others could use those precious moments to pack their suitcases and leave the campus just in time to miss the beautiful, cosmic fireworks that everybody knew the Phoenix could provide.

"...and this is the place where the students are supposed to eat...let me see, how was it called again...?"

"...The Restaurant?" the Phoenix offered a piece of her never-ending wisdom, inherited to her by a countless number of previous Phoenixes. She was supposed to be shown around the place, but it seemed like she was the one giving the tour here.

"Yeah! That's right! The restaurant!" the hyper energetic teenager exclaimed as his crystal green eyes gleamed with excitement for the enlightenment he just had. Then he gestured for her to follow him to yet another part of the Institute whose name he couldn't recall.

"What was your name again? Mortem?"

"Nope. Actually, it's Morten. I'm from Iceland."

"I don't recall seeing you here again. So that means you have been a student here for less than five years, right?" They were now making their way through a large corridor, against a massive wave of delirious students who had just finished their last period for the day.

"Yeah! I'm what you Americans would call a newbrie. Considering I had been here for a month and all." He flashed a smile of excitement and his whitish teeth made a huge contrast to the pitch black mass of hair on top of his head.

"Then why the hell did they make you give me the tour, of all people?" Jean uttered with ever-growing suspicion, resisting the urge to correct all the little stabs the boy was giving to the poor English language.

"Jubes said that since I was the last one who was given a tour, I would also be the one who could remember how to give one as well. Makes sense to me." They stepped into a huge hi-tech room of circular shape. "That's is the Endangered Room."

"Really? What do they use it for?" she tried to hide a smile under the pretense that she was sweeping an eyelash from her lips. She was sure that by the end of that tour, she would have a hell of a laugh material...if she hadn't "cleansed" the boy of the face of the planet first. There was only a number of grammar errors a devourer of galaxies could take.

"Er...I think it's used for extreme skateboarding contests. I mean, look at how lean those surfaces are!"

"So, you a mutant?" she tried to avert the subject from the tour of the mansion. Maybe if she got to know the boy a little more, she would became emotionally attached to him and resist with greater ease the urge to 'cleanse' him.

"Not exactly. Doctor McCoy said I'm a paramutant. Or a semi-mutant. Or whatever." Morten shrugged off the trouble of finding the right words to his situation by a single movement of his shoulders.

"How is that even possible? You're supposed to either be born a mutant or not." Jean was getting intrigued. It sure beat the alternative of being shown around places like "the place where the students work out" and "the glass thing where that white-haired black chick keeps her flora".

"There's a long story behind it. A few years back I had some health problems that were fixed with a kidney transplant. It turned out that the donor was a mutant, and part of his powers was based on his kidney functions."

"That was the shortest 'long story' I have heard in all of my lives."

"I guess." They entered a huge space that resembled the insides of a metal ball. A steep corridor led to a device with a helmet attached to it, right beside a comfy chair. "This is the Cerebra Room."

"Hey! You got that one right!"

"That's why I am the one giving the tour to the other" his smart-ass comment came awfully off the wall. "This is where telepaths can augment their powers and reach into minds of many people at the same time.

Jean was astounded that the teen could use a difficult English word like "augment".

"Or at least that's what it says on the little label-thing beside the door." Morten added with an innocent grin.

Jean groaned with desperation. "So, what can you do with that mutant kidney of yours?"

"Okay, you had enough exposure to this room already. Our next stop is the Infirmary, which is also Dr. McCoy's lab. There you can get some more info on my mutant powers." He walked to the opened door and held it open for the present lady to exit first.

"Just admit it. You can't define what your powers are." she gave him a smirk as she walked out of the Cerebra room.

And that was when Logan saw her, for the first time after all those years. All these miserable years that seemed to pass a lot faster when Jean was around, even though she always belonged to someone else. And now, she just walked out of the Cerebra room and into his life again, and the single second that took her to make a few steps right after she came out of that door seemed even longer to him, only because of the shock that had occurred to him and made everything flow slower that a dying snail.

And in that moment of shock and realization, when Jean Grey-Summers moved in extra-slow motion, a choir of angels was summoned to Logan's side and a romantic ballad started playing, accompanying Jean's eternal walk. A small, cute cherub was sitting by a white mini piano on a small cloud above Logan's head and was giving Beethoven a run for his money!

The leader of the imaginary angels looked a lot like Warren (actually, it was Warren; just in Logan's mind), wearing a long white angel robe and he burst into song right into Wolverine's ear, while Logan was still watching slow-motion-Jean with astounded puppy-dog-eyes.

"She

may be the face you can't forget

a trace of pleasure or regret

may be your treasure or the price you have to pay

she may be the song that Solomon sings

may be the chill that autumn brings

may be a hundred different things

within the measure of a day

She

may be the beauty or the beast

may be the famine or the feast

may turn each day into a heaven or a hell

she may be the mirror of your dreams

a smile reflected in a stream

she may not be what she may seem

inside a shell"

A triplet of other cherubs were now hovering on the left side of Logan's and they were moving their entwined fists in front of the left side of their chests, mimicking a slow heartbeat that could also be heard alongside the music from the piano. Another cherub was flying above slow-motion-Jean and the little punk was bathing her in a rain of pink rose petals which it took out of a cute little basket it held to its side.

"Sheeeeeee,

who always seems so happy 'n proud

who's eyes can be so private and so proud

no one's allowed to see them when they cry

she may be the love that can and hope to last

may come to you from shadows of the past

that you'll remember till the day you die"

Jean was turning her head around (probably to talk to somebody who walked behind her) and her beautiful crimson hair flied in the air, making an arc around the side of her godlike face in the most cliche of ways, while the imaginary rose petals stuck to her beautiful hair and created a heavenly mental image. Logan just kept taking in the sight in front of him with the most adorable (yet pathetic for a man of his stature) look on his face. He was star-struck and his heart was pulverized into a billion pieces for her like never before, and the visionary facade with the choir of angles around him meant that he now was Love's bitch. And vision-Warren was simply informing him of this new situation with the last words of his song:

"She

may be the reason you survive

the why and where for you're alive

the one you'll care for through the rough and rainy years

you--you'll take her laughter and her tears

and make them all your souvenirs

for where she goes you gotta be

the meaning of your life is

Sheee,

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,

ohh sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...."

After that frozen-in-time moment, the meaning of Logan's life was she. Well, she always was, but even after this new -obviously-revival of hers nothing of romantic nature could happen between the two of them.

Or could it?

After Jean's death his life had turned into a crappy imitation of what it once used to be. Jeannie was gone, the Professor had left the school in order to start over his life in what used to be Genosha and other X-Men -good friends of his- had left the mansion because they were having their own issues. It was like being a superhero wasn't providing the innocent do-gooding life it used to. Sure, there were some people who remained the same, but...the whole situation seemed bizarre. Scott wasn't the same. Iceman had left, stricken by the combination of being unable to turn back to his human form and his disastrous love life (or the absence of one). Plus the whole thing going on with Scott and Emma was making him sick inside, for several different reasons. Hank was hidden in his lab, since the absence of his best friends and the unsettling life in the Institute made him wanna bail from anything resembling a personal life. Alex Summers and his nurse of a wife were pretty happy, but always living on their own little planet. Now, they were oh-so-fittingly out of the planet. And -the worst of all-, Storm had changed her hairstyle again.

That last thought made Logan wince and all of the sudden the moment which was trapped in slow motion had passed. Everything was moving at the same speed as his relaxed mind.

"Oh--this one standing over there is Wolverine, the fiercest and deadliest mutant on the planet! But he's pretty friendly once you get to meet him, though. Come on, let me introduce you people!" the voice of a certain Icelandic teenager echoed on his hypersensitive ears.

"Logan!" she said out loud and he could listen to her heartbeat getting as fast as his own. She ran to him and embraced him, hanging onto him as if they hadn't seen each other for years and years.

Which was practically true in every single aspect of the phrase.

"So, I take it that you guys know each other?"

Jean broke their embrace to look at Logan face-to-face and snug him a 'Jeannie-knows-better' mischievous grin. "Isn't it obvious that someone hasn't been doing his studying on X-Men history?"

They cracked up. Jean giggled like a schoolgirl. Logan also giggled, but in a more manly, mature kind of way.

But the important thing was that they acted like old friends again. Not what Logan wanted at the time (since his frozen moment with the singing angles and stuff that made him realize what he wanted of her), but it was a good starting point.

"Quite the reunion, huh? Well, so much for touring Genie around. It seems that you can show her around much better than me." Morten complained, unaware that he was the reason the older mutants were laughing all along.

"But that would take out all the fun!" Jean squealed, and took the boy by the hand. "Now, where is the Infirmary we were talking about?" she said, gesturing to Logan to join them on her tour. With Logan around, she was sure that the little voice deep in her head telling her to rip the boy's head off on his next misspelling would shut up.

"And it's Jean, not Genie." Logan added with a smirk, as they all started walking towards the next stop on Jean's tour.

As he followed an unusually quiet Morten and an equally unusually chirp Jean, Logan's thoughts trailed over the reasons that a newbie in the mansion -that would be Morten- had already established a relationship with the antisocial loner of the mansion.

It was just his luck. Just as soon as Jubilee had finally grown out of worshipping his every step and (like every self-respecting young woman) was currently more interested in getting friends of her own age, chatting about Sex and the City reruns and finding herself a cool boyfriend, another out-of-place teen had taken up the free spot of 'Wolverine's Groupie'.

Well, it wasn't like the kid was actually hanging with him, neither that he actually worshipped him -that could be kinda gay-,but Wolverine still made sure that they would be seen together long enough to make sure that the other students would not pick on the first semi-mutant to board the Institute. Not that the students actually ever picked on Morten, but Logan just wanted to make sure that this newbie would be considered cool enough to be respectable and make friends of his own age in his new school....

...not to mention that Hank had mentioned that a father figure would be priceless for the boy, given that he was raised by two mothers - you do the math ;-) -and his father was an unknown sperm donor.

Oh, okay, so Logan really missed Jubes.

His little Jubes.

These last few years, for an entirely mysterious reason, Logan had developed a 'father filter'. He always was Jubilee's protector, but the need to act like a father was nudging on the edges of his brain.

And Jubes had grown a lot lately, she had gone through being an actual teenager with teen problems and overworking hormones and stuff. She was such a pain in the ass, and wouldn't even admit it.

She just brushed off Wolverine's concerns and advices like he was her actual father, and now that he thought about it better he felt a little warm inside. To be brushed off and ignored by her meant that she really thought of him as her father. Wasn't that what all kids did to their parents, anyway?

But after a very painful youth, Jubilee had finally matured (at least biologically) and although she still lived in the Institute Logan was feeling lately like she was his daughter who had moved away at college.

He missed the times when she depended on him, bugging him all the damn time.

And now he needed another kid to take care of.

It seemed that Morten was actually his Jubes-substitute.

"It's good when you get to know yourself better" he thought to himself as his previous trail of thoughts ended up with the conclusion that the newbie was actually his foster-child-substitute. He began to smile to himself, but then they finally reached the Infirmary and he stopped in fear of being mistaken for a stupid old man who smiled to himself for no apparent reason.

They walked inside without making their presence known to the sleepy-eyed blue-furred scientist that was leaning on one of the lab's counters, doing something between researching and sleeping.

"Please, come in", Hank mumbled with a semi-conscious voice. He didn't look at the newcomers, taking his time to rub some sleep off his eyes with big, blue paws. Jean, Logan and Morten quietly walked over to him, surrounding him -not in the threatening sense of the phrase, of course.

"Ever the restless guard of the exquisite arts of microscope-engineering and germ-ass-kicking, eh?" Logan said from Hank's left side as the blue warm-hearted giant put his glasses on.

"Are you kidding? Just the germs residing on this big ole pile of dust by his very microscope can kill the populace of two small 3rd world countries!" Morten commented from Hank's right side. The good mood this kid was in every morning without even getting some coffee first was really infuriating.

Hank smiled to his friend Logan as he turned his attention to the teen boy. He obviously hadn't noticed Jean, who was silently standing right behind him. It seemed that all those bestial senses of Dr. McCoy's went downhill until he would get his first cup of coffee for the day.

"In case you wondered, dear Morten, I really have to get some day off to have this place cleaned. Really, it must have been ages since the last time a woman set her foot in here."

"Another record I got to broke today, I guess." Jean suddenly spoke right into Hank's ear, startling him to death.

"Oh my stars and garters!" He yelled as he turned around to face his beloved Jean Grey. No cup of coffee would be needed today, not after that wake-up call.

Jean attempted to make fun of Hank's morning situation, but she found herself buried into a certain Beast's embrace. I guess there were powers even the Phenoix couldn't overcome.

"Yeah, I'm glad to see you too." her muffled voice came from the depths of the Beast's arms.

"When did you get here? What happened?" he released her, breaking his enormous hug.

"Well...you know the drill. Giant Phoenix Egg. Hatching. Blah blah blah."

"Does Scott know you're here?" the next logical question was instantly expressed. It was weird how nobody questioned the means that brought Jean back to life. Was that really such a cliche?

"Not really." She responded. "He will, however, as soon as my friend Morten here gets me to his office."

"Which is our next stop on the Big Tour Of The Mansion, by the way" Morten added with the grin of a toothpaste salesman.

"Why is he giving you the tour, anyway? He's practically a tourist himself." Logan found the chance to join the conversation.

"Am NOT! Just because I'm a semi-mutant doesn't mean I'm not supposed to be here! Hell, Juggernaught lives here and he's only a human!!!" was the immediate bitchy response.

"What is a semi-mutant, anyway?" Jean gracefully changed the subject without really changing it. It was the same subject, but in a manner that would avert any kind of fights. Not that a fight between Logan and that kid would really be a 'fight'.

"The actual term is 'para-mutant'. Something we met before on the threat of the U-Men, you know, that sect/organization that "borrowed" mutant organs in order to give mutant powers to otherwise human individuals."

"So the boy is a neo-U-Man?" Jean came to an unneeded conclusion in order to interrupt Hank's scientific rant for a bit. A much-needed break, indeed.

"No, not really. Morten had some health problems when he was fourteen. He needed a kidney transplant in order to survive, and eventually he got one. But it turned out that the donor was a dormant mutant teenager who had recently died in a car crash. The specific kidney was a much needed part for the usage of that teenager's powers, apparently."

"The Attack Of The Mutant Kidney!" Logan remarked.

"So, your kidney gave you mutant powers! I take it that you have acid urine or something?" Jean asked, turning her attention to the Icelandic teen.

Seeing the kid's offended look, Hank took the initiative to speak again:

"His bladder would melt if he had such a thing."

"Now that's a pleasant thing to compensate." Logan murmured. Hank just kept going though:

"His powers have nothing to do with the actual use of a kidney. It just seemed that part of the mutant abilities controls were locked in that specific body part. Morten here can turn invisible and intangible. But apparently the donor's other kidney was also important to the cause; Morten only has one mutant kidney, so he can't turn other things and people invisible or intangible, including his own cloths."

"Oooh, I gotta be around when you use your powers!" Jean teased the teenager beside her, who in turn started blushing. Nobody could tell if he took the comment as an insult or a compliment.

"Oh, Emma and I designed a special pair of boxer shorts, able to blend in when he turns invisible and not fall off when he goes intangible." Hank flashed a proud smile like every time he boasts about a creation of his.

"Heeey, do they come in plain black color or they got Tweeties and pink bunnies on them?" was another one of Logan's many snide remarks. However Jean's sudden silence made them all turn to face her with concern.

"Emma is still around, isn't she?" a very faint voice came from where she stood.

"Jeannie..."

"Stop. Let's get to my husband now. I have to talk to him first. Morten?"

The boy was shocked from the sudden heaviness in the mood around him, but soon came back to the present;

"Yes! Of course...Follow me, Jean." Why was that woman seeing everyone else before her own husband and where was she supposed to be before, anyway?

And why was he giving her a tour since she already knew everybody in here?

Jubilee would soon have hell to pay, he thought to himself as he led Jean to Mr. Summers' office, and everyone else followed as well.

Scott Summers was peacefully sitting on his office, doing all the stuff a leader and headmaster of the best mutant school in the world should do.

Playing Solitaire on his Shi'Ar technology laptop.

When suddenly the door burst open and a bunch of people walked in without even saying anything, startling Scott into shutting his laptop (wanting to hide any proofs of him slacking off).

"I knew it!" Morten said out loud when he saw Scott's startled reaction. "He was cruising the web looking at porn!"

"What the Hell are you doing in here, people? Can't you even knock? Do you even have an appointment?" Scott yelled in return as he turned to face the bunch of people who were very soon going to be given a very serious lecture about privacy and basic rules of politeness and manners and....

Jean.

Jean was there, standing among Wolverine, Beast, and that good-for-nothing Icelandic slacker. All the men looked like they preferred to be somewhere else at the time, except for the ominously oblivious teenager.

"I'm sorry I didn't arrange an appointment with my own husband, but what can I do? I was trapped inside a cosmic egg for a certain amount of time". She looked the same, pretty as ever, even in that familiar posture of hers with her hands resting on her waist menacingly.

But suddenly her serious posture broke into the figure of a giggling girl that was happy to be reunited with her family and beloved. She ran right into his arms, crushing him with her body and feelings at the same time.

"I'm so glad to finally see you again...I was wandering around the mansion for quite some time now, but I had too look at you to realize how much I missed you." she sniffled into his shoulder, as his hands reached around and rubbed her upper back. Scott stayed into that embrace despite his current controversial feelings, wanting to enjoy it for as long as possible...He knew what was coming next and he wanted to hang on that last embrace, burn it into his mind.

"Ohh, this looks like a perfect chance for a group hug! Guys?" Morten whispered as he started walking over to the Summers' to join the hug. However, a very uncomfortable-looking Wolverine placed his big arm on his shoulder and stopped him.

"Kid, believe me, you don't wanna get into this..." he whispered as he looked bewildered at Jean and Scott hugging before them. Morten only had to look into his eyes to realize that something more complicated was going on, and once he did he stayed in his previous position like some obedient lapdog.

"Jean..."

"Oh, Scott, why did I have to stay dead for so long this time? Why are you the headmaster and where's Xavier? Why is this place rebuilt? Why are some of our friends missing and why is a nineteen-year-old newcomer giving tours to a mansion

he barely knows?"

"Jean..."

"Yeah, I know my name is Jean, thank you very much. Now what about some answers, Mr. Summers?" she said with the smirk. The last smirk she would ever have at Cyclops.

The door to the office abruptly opened and in walked a very oblivious Emma Frost with an equally oblivious three-year old boy on her arms. She snobbily ignored the three guys' presence in the room and proceeded to Scott as she gently but hastily shook up the child on her lap, trying to make him sleep.

"Honey, could I have Jubilee or Rogue baby-sit after little Tommy for the next few hours? There's this new jewelry shop opening and there's also this little gala going on..."

She stood for a minute, contemplating the new, female presence in the room, realizing it was Jean Grey.

"Oh, great, this is Murphy's Law at its' worst!" Hank mumbled.

"Oh...and once you're done with your resurrected ex-wife, make sure to get rid of her grave at the backyard, because the spot is perfect for an extra parking lot, okay?" Emma continued with impressive coldness and casualness.

Jean stared at Emma with disbelief, then checked out the toddler on her arms, noticing the shiny ring on Emma's finger. Then she looked at Scott, but not in the face. She instead looked at his hands with teary eyes, seeing the wedding ring he used to wear replaced with another one, similar to Emma's.

"I guess I will have to find a babysitter by my own", Emma commented. "See you tonight Scottie dear." she added, while she hastily exited the office, leaving all the hard part to Scott to handle. What kind of team leader and headmaster was he anyway, if he couldn't take care of less important difficulties like this one?

As Jean and Scott were left alone in the office again (well, except for the presence of the other guys who really didn't want to interfere anyway), the Phoenix was able to talk again:

"I won't be a whiny bitch. I won't cry, and I certainly won't curse you for being so impatient. I went through too many things in my life to simply reduce myself to a simple "woman scorn". I won't even interrupt you...as long as you explain yourself first."

"Jean...oh, Jean, I'm so sorry...but...."

"But what?" Morten spoke up right before Logan pinched his shoulder and reminded him to shut up.

Scott looked at the teenager for the first time without negative things on his thoughts. Then he looked back at Jean, his ex-wife.

"...but, I guess there's only one way to say it. With a song."

Silence encompassed the room, and then a soft ballad music started filling the air, with the triplet of the people not-necessary-in-this-conversation (that being Logan, Hank and Morten) suddenly doing back-vocals for Scott, as they began with a long and soft moan while slowly swinging their bodies left and right in unison...

"Ahhhh -

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...................."

When suddenly Scott burst into soft singing, as he climbed up on his desk and held his arms wide open like some opera singer:

"There was a time when we'd been a pair

We did everything together so fair

And then one fine day you chose to die on me

That never stopped you from returning again

And we thought that everything would be well

But you died once more, and again, and again

And it's about time that I know--"

"--How deep is your grave!--" the mutant gospel chorus sang behind him, letting him resume to the chorus:

"--How deep is your grave- How deep is your grave?

I really need to learn

cause you always keep coming back

You never stop

Thus my life cannot go on

It is time that we move on

I believe that you

Should get your own life from now on

I'm a married man now and I got a kid

We can't be together anymore

And you may not think

I care for you

When you know down inside

That I really do

And it's me you need to show--"

"--How deep is your grave!!--"

"--How deep is your grave- How deep is your grave?

I really need to learn

cause you always keep coming back

You never stop

Thus my life cannot go on

It is time that we move on"

As the music kept flowing, they all together started murmuring:

"Narararara,

Nararara Narara rara,

Narararararararara Narara rara rara...."

"--And you come to me like nothing's changed

But the truth is that you act a bit deranged

And it's time that you just go..."

"--How deep is your grave!--"

"--How deep is your grave- How deep is your grave?

I really need to learn

cause you always keep coming back

You never stop

Thus my life cannot go on

It is time that we move on..."

As the song came to an ending, Jean didn't need to stay there for further "explanations"... She just swallowed her pride and walked to the exit, as Scott avoided looking at her, averting his eyes from her presence and concentrating on the opposite wall.

Hank looked at Logan with stern eyes, as he searched for something in his pockets.

"Go after her, Logan".

"What? Why should I go after her? I'm not the one who hurt her! I'm not going to romantically advance on her while she's still in pain..!"

"What are you talking about? What romantic advancements? Who said anything about that? I just thought you'd be the best person to give her that..." he said, as he handed him a small card he finally fished out of his pocket. you're the one with the healing factor in case she feels like 'shooting the messenger'..."

Logan looked at the small business card and his eyes were enlightened with realization.

"Of course!" he mouthed as he started running after Jean.

When he got to her, he just silently handed the card to her, making sure he would hold on her soft palm for a while to ensure her she still had friends at the mansion who never forgot about her...

"Thank you", she said without bothering to look at the card. She just shoved it in her pockets instead. Logan's warm gesture was so much more important at that difficult time. "So, how long... how long are they married? Is it three years?"

"You don't wanna know, Jeannie."

"You don't have to protect me from hurting any more. There's a limit to the amount of pain that can be inflicted on me, and we have already surpassed it. How long did he mourn me before marrying Emma?"

"A year or so. I'm sorry Jeannie."

"It's okay. Thank you for being truthful to me, Logan. I appreciate that."

She started to go, but something made her turn around again.

"Do you think he is happy with Emma? Has he really moved on?"

"Pretty much. He certainly looked to have moved on... 'till today, that is."

She fell on his arms and gave him a tight, thankful hug. Then she left without saying anything.

But that doesn't mean she was calm inside.

A few minutes later, as she waited for the taxi she had telepathically summoned, Jean began searching into her pockets for something to scoop her tear-stained cheeks with. She couldn't reach anything though, because even now her hands were clenching into fists in her pockets. Fiery rage was burning into her eyes, as many malevolent thoughts flooded her brain.

"He couldn't even wait for a few days after my death, but preferred to hook up with that white-leathered whore right above my freshly-dug grave! He married her right when he would be supposed to start getting over me! I came back from the dead and he brushed me off like a disposable contact lens! Couldn't even let me stay there with my other friends, he practically threw me on the streets! I oughta...I ought to go back there and fry his ass with some Dark Phoenix sparkles!!"

Her hand found a handkerchief in the pocket, but as soon as she brought it out, it pulverized into ashes within her flamed-on fingers.

"Shoot! You have to calm down Jean...how can you send the Dark Phenoix after your ex if you can't even control it to handle a piece of cloth?..."

Finally, she fished out the card that Logan had given her. She had a look at the card in order to focus her mind on something else than the major dose of surprise and disappointment she had just tasted.

What she saw written on the card was equally surprising for her:

"ROBERT L. DRAKE

Attorney Extraordinaire

11th Street 614, (right beneath the Shady Shadow nightclub)

New York"

Her mouth and still tear-stained cheeks formed a diabolical smile as the card's inscription sank into her mind...

"Why use cosmic forces to get back at the people that screwed you when there are so many worse things to do to them...such as sending your lawyer after them?"

A kinda hysterical laugh filled the air above the Institute, provoking babies at a range of three miles to cry their hearts out.

TO BE CONTINUED.....

Coming on Part 2:

"The All-Singing, All- Dancing Lawyer Of The Phoenix!"

With songs such as: "Coldfinger", "Mutant Dirtbag", "Bitching Queen", and our mega-hit "Wo-Wo-Wolverine!"

The more feedback I get, the sooner I'll get myself to post the second part!! You guys just provide the motivation, okay? :-)

Oh, and please tell me which song you liked better! 


	2. The AllSinging, AllDancing Lawyer of the...

(The first part of the story can be found here: http: )

Title: The All-Singing, All-Dancing Return of the Phoenix

Author: Mitsaso

E-mail: Mitsasoin.gr

Archive: I would love it if my fics could spread around and infect the world in the form of archiving! Just inform me first so that I can cackle evilly while my plan comes to a conclusion!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the X-Men; they belong to Marvel and Stan Lee. I swear to return them back to their place once I finish playing with them. They will be unharmed, except for their poor vocal chords, who will be irreversibly overused after the end of this fic. No profit is made of this story, so please hold back the urge to sue me. However, I can still be sued about the severed vocal chord thing, in case Marvel decides to attach .wav files in their comics only to find that the X-characters can't sing anymore!

Rating: PG-13. There might be some intense language, even in the singing process.

Summary: Five years after her heroic death in the hands of Magneto, the Phoenix returns, and she's back in heat! Plus, she's got a serious inclination to singing and dancing, and the same goes for everyone else in the whole story as well! So...let the show begin! (Now that I think about it, it just seems like my very own, twisted little version of "Phoenix: Endsong")

Warnings: This story is in a musical format! Almost everyone gets to sing in this fic, and most of the songs also proceed the story by giving information and doing stuff. There are 14 songs (most of them well-known) used in this fic, and most of the songs have many of their lyrics altered to fit the story better. A few of them are untouched, though. It would add to the story if you guys had some of these songs already and listened to them during their "usage" in the fic, since you would be able to 'visualize' the whole scene. A list of the songs used is right here, placed in order of usage. But since most of them are modified to accommodate the needs of the story, there will also be the name of the modified version of the song as used in the fic. The copyrights belong to the people who created them (though it's a little difficult to name them all, so I'll name none).

6) Goldfinger - Shirley Bassey (here conveniently modified into "Coldfinger")

7) Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus (but Jean made it "Mutant Dirtbag")

8) It's Not Unusual - Tom Jones (not really changed here)

9) Jump In The Line (Shake Senora) - Harry Belafonte (the Beast changed it into "Shake Ororo"!)

10) Dancing Queen - Abba (but just for Emma, we turned it into the "Bitching Queen")

11) Whiter Shade OF Pale - Percy Sledge (there are a few changes in the lyrics, but not the title)

12) Rasputin - Boney M (my favorite of all the songs used in this fic, here it's called "Wo-Wo-Wolverine". Nuff said.)

THE ALL-SINGING, ALL-DANCING RETURN OF THE PHOENIX

Part 2: "The All-Singing, All-Dancing Lawyer of The Phoenix"

The nightclub was almost empty at the time.

The time wasn't anywhere too early or too late for the place to be filled the customers. The reason that the nightclub barely had any customers that night was that it probably never did anyway.

The place was exactly what its' name would prepare someone to see; Shady. Dirty. Most probably unhealthy.

Not to mention that it looked like a 60's or 70's old-fashioned lounge nightclub, and the truth is that such places have no great target group nowadays.

There were a few people scattered around the place, suspicious-looking faces who belonged to decadent bodies, people who seemed like the most lowly of the underworld. The club was dark, nobody seemed to care about the current lack of live music, since the oldie songs that filled the air through the ancient speakers were certainly pre-recorded.

It was a real abnormality that this place wasn't already closed down, considering the quality of the clientele (if not the total absence of it). A certain stink suddenly reached Jean's nostrils, making her want to find the way to the basement as soon as possible.

Jean Grey (and probably ex-Summers) didn't know what made her set her foot on this place. Was it the fact that she could really use a lawyer in order to see what she could make out of this unfortunate situation with her husband? Or maybe she already considered the case of her marriage lost and she merely came down here to see again an old friend?

She had seen many weird things in her life. A whole bunch of different alien races, cosmic entities that could destroy galaxies, freaky powers on people that never asked for them, many, many weird deaths.

But nothing rang the word "weird" on her brain more at the time than the question of what could a sweet person like Bobby Drake want in a place like this? Actually working here? He suddenly was a lawyer? And why had he left the mansion and worked in the basement of such an awful nightclub?

All this place didn't seem to write "Bobby Drake" on it. Surely, Bobby himself had a whole bunch of problems the last time she was alive, with the most important one being his inability to switch back to his human form, having him stuck in an ice-sculpture mode. But how could all these lead to such a change of lifestyle? And who would trust a man-size snow-cone as his lawyer?

"Lawyer don't need to be trusted...they can't be trusted" The voice of the Phoenix wisely reminded her. But, excuse me, how did Bobby become a lawyer again? She guessed she would soon find out for herself...

Jean tried to hide her Phoenix toupee for as long as she needed in order to ask one of the unclean, dog-breathing customers where she could find the stairs to the basement. She held her breath as he opened his mouth to answer to her question and focused on where his dirty-nailed, yellow fingers pointed.

But as she began to walk over the stairs to the basement, music abruptly started playing and startled her. Jean just stood there and watched as the curtains on the stage very near to her were pulled on the sides, and a woman walked out with a mysterious pacing.

Jean noticed that the music belonged to some old James Bond-esque song, and the lady that was about to perform was Dazzler! She was dressed into a very beautiful sparkling nightgown which resembled broken shards of ice. She held an old-style microphone on her right hand and she was swinging mysteriously her other hand in the air, managing to give her song an intriguing, divesque attitude.

Jean decided to watch Ali's performance as she was really intrigued with the outcome. Why was she working there? Why did she got to sing now?

Dazzler brought her microphone close to her lips, who had a weird ice-resembling lipstick on them and sang with the nature of a black sixties diva:

"Coldfingeeer.

He's the man, the man with the icy touch.

A lawyer's touch!

Such a cold finger.

Beckons you to enter his igloo of sin

But don't go innnn."

,she sang, as she pointed an icy-gloved index finger to the newly resurrected redhead who watched her with intrigue. Her song was passionate, yet coldly intimidating, as the singer was warning Jean not to proceed to the basement for her own good.

"Frozen words he will pour in your eaaaaar,

But his lies can't disguise what you feaaaaaar,

For a clever girl knows when he's sued her,

It's the lawsuit of death from

Mister Coldfinger.

Pretty girl beware of this heart of coooold

This heart is sold!"

The oldie divesque music went on, letting Jean rethink about her decision to see Bobby. Was the song really descibing him? Had Dazzler played with the Ice and got herself burnt? Was Jean going to be screwed over, once again today? Her singing resembled a plead now, not a warning... a warning still lets you make your choice, after all. But was Dazzler really referred to Jean in her song? Or she just wanted to add to her theatrical-like performance with gestures like pointing to Jean, pretending to warn her about inexistent dangers?

"Frozen words he will pour in your eaaaar,

But his lies can't disguise what you feaaaar,

For an innocent girl can be prosecuted,

It's the lawsuit of death from

Mister Coldfinger.

Pretty girl beware of this heart of coooold

This heart is sold!"

Dazzler then began giving the song a run for its money, putting all the intensity in her voice to make the closing of the song unsettlingly heart-breaking and yet keeping it still a strong, warning advise:

"He loves only cold,

And the goooold.

He loves cold.

He loves only coooold,

And the gooooold.

He loves cooooooooooooooooold!"

Phoenix was clearly unsettled by this warning, performance who gave all kind of disturbing thoughts into her skull. Still, she couldn't back off now. She was going to see her soon-to-be-lawyer, why should she be afraid of him? She was one of the most powerful creatures on the galaxy, for God's sake! She could handle herself.

After all, Bobby should surely be still harmless.

Even as a lawyer.

And thus, ignoring the song's warning lyrics, Jean Grey walked down the stairs to face the unknown.

The ancient wooden staircase was creaking like something dying. Jean just hastened her pace, making sure that her steps were not becoming heavier, so that the stairs would manage to handle her weight.

She sighed in exasperation as the stairs came to an end. But now that death by an old collapsed staircase was avoided, death by bumping into heavy things was afoot. The basement room where she had ended into was dark like a lonely person's grave.

"No problem for a Phoenix there", she whispered to herself as she clicked her fingers and her index finger was suddenly on fire, providing light to the small basement room. This room didn't seem like the lawyer office kinda place. It apparently was used for storage, judging from the small crates all over the floor.

"Now, for the light switch..." she searched around but found nothing that seemed able to lit the place better than her finger. She saw something far better though.

"A door!" she smiled as she reached for the handle and pulled. A serious amount of light flooded her eyesight and blinded her. It seemed that the flaming finger wouldn't be of much use anymore, so she blew the fire away and stepped forward.

"Do you have an appointment, miss?" a faint female voice called at her. The new room had nothing in common with the previous one, being all well-lit and having freshly-polished granite floor. Jean admired the post-modern setting and art nouveau furniture before facing the secretary that now looked upon her with curiosity. A heavy door was leading to another room and a golden inscription gave her an idea of what it was all about:

"ROBERT L. DRAKE

Attorney Extraordinaire"

"Excuse me Miss...do you have an appointment with Mr. Drake?" the blonde bombshell of a secretary re-asked. She had a classic pair of crazy-looking pink-framed glasses on and her succulent lips were playing with the tip of her pen. Her cute little mini-skirt and top exposed a massive amount of cleavage and her stocking-covered legs were crossed in an obscene manner. Her PC was on, but probably not used for professional stuff; a quick glance at the screen revealed a few chatrooms of the not-so-innocent type.

"No. Not really. Is he busy?" Jean asked in the most sweet and gentle voice she could summon. Showing coolness and self-respect was the most important thing she should do if she wanted to keep herself in control.

"He's always busy" the slutty secretary said as she fixed her eyes on Jean's, daring her to show anything more than indifferent casualness. She could tell when she wasn't liked, that little minx. It was apparent that the secretary was very bored

and wouldn't hesitate to make a scene if Jean insisted on entering Bobby's office without an appointment.

"Well, he's never busy when it comes to his sister" Jean said, toning every single word in the sentence as a gleam in her eye betrayed her successful attempt at brainwashing the secretary into believing whatever she said and letting her in.

"I'll inform Mr. Drake that his older sister has come to visit" the secretary said in a mild, zombie-like manner, picking up the intercom. How did that bitch assume that Jean was older than her boss? Especially when she hadn't aged at all in these last five years, being in a cosmic entity's egg and all?

"First blood for the telepath redhead" she heard Bobby's voice throught the intercom as she walked in to meet him for the first time after all these years.

"Bobby...how did you know?" she said out loud as she entered Bobby Drake's impressive office and headquarters.

He was sitting on a comfy armchair, buried behind papery towers of cases and files, all resting on his large two-sided desk. A small living room was set beside the desk and a Home Cinema was visible at the far end of the room. He even had a mini-bar conveniently placed close to the three armchairs who were supposed to be there for his clientele.

As for Bobby himself, he never looked better in all of those years that she knew him, although he looked a little...darker than usual. Maybe he had changed as much as Scott had during her long absence. He wasn't permanently iced-up anymore, as his pale normal-looking skin and well-combed sandy blonde hair revealed. Or maybe naughty Iceman had grabbed an image-inducer or two on his way out of the mansion.

"You...you're human again." was all she could comment as she tried to break the ice between them. They both knew that they weren't the same people they used to be the last time they saw each other, so they probably had to jump-start their relationship again.

"And you're alive again." he shot back sarcastically. "It's good that we're both so observant people, don't you think?"

She broke into a smile, losing all hesitation for a while. He was still the class clown, although a little edgier than usual. "Well, you can guess what happened so that I can walk this planet again. It's no big news anyway. What about you? I can recall that your permanent iced-up situation was a result of a secondary mutation. How did you get rid of that?"

"You really up for listening to such a long story that soon? You just walked in here. You didn't even have a seat yet. Let's not rush into things, big sis." he ironically pointed out the last words, motioning for her to sit at the armchair closest to his desk.

"Right. You're absolutely right. I'm sorry, I'm just in such a hurry to keep up with everything that has changed during my being dead." She made herself comfortable, resting her elbows on the arms of the comfy chair. "When I was revived, I flew down to the mansion straight from the moon, and I started walking around the place with some kid I didn't know, trying to find and store all the information my mind could handle...and believe me, that turned out bad. Really bad. I'm still in shock."

"Poor Jean." was all he could comment, and the snarky nature of his comment made clear to her that he didn't know anything of her meeting with Scott. "Sit back and relax. I'll have Linda fetch you a coffee or a drink." he said, reaching for a button on the side of his desk.

"By the way, I don't like that skanky wench you'd call a secretary. I really disapprove of her." she made herself clear. Not that she really cared if she would affect Bobby's mind, she just wanted to clear out how much she disliked that secretary.

"Oh, Jean...really, do I have to grow old and be 50-something to start hiring slutty hotties as secretaries... let me enjoy my youth, okay? I'm working so much that Linda is the only way of seeing excessively filled cleavages every day. I wouldn't count on doing that on my personal life" Bobby only thought the last two sentences towards Jean's telepathically active mind, because Linda had already walked in, curious of what she was needed for.

"Mr. Drake? You asked for me?" she mouthed in the most cliche of ways. Duh! She just heard him calling her through the intercom, what does she need the assurance for?

"Yes. Linda, could you make some coffee for Mrs. Summers?" Bobby said, noticing that his last words made Jean's nose twitch, like she was reminded of something ugly. That was weird, 'cause Jean should have been pleased that the secretary she so much disliked would reduce herself to a coffee-maker.

"Jean, you're okay?" Bobby checked on her as soon as Linda walked out. But by then, whatever threatened to claw its way out of her mind had been shoved back inside again.

"I'm fine. You still haven't told me what happened and you can walk into a room without having everyone trying to carve ice-chunks out of you for their beverages anymore."

"Well, after your death I had been really miserable...not to mention pissed at everybody. At Scott for getting it on with Emma Frost..."

"Why, thank you, darling."

"...after all, I should have gotten a shot at her first! He was supposed to mourn at your loss first. Not that anyone believed that you were gone for good, of course..."

"Grrrr."

"...I was also pissed at everybody else, because I was stuck to being a permanent ice-sculpture and nobody seemed to care about doing anything about it. They even said I was being a jerk for no reason, if you can believe it! And what about my closest buddies? Warren was boinking a teenager, and we barely hanged out with hank anymore...he didn't even fill me in when he was telling everybody that he was gay..."

"...so, he was gay?"

"...as much as the gay community would love it, no. You can have Storm assure you of that, if you want to." he said, resulting in malevolent chuckling.

"Ororo? Hank...?" then she broke in a very Rachel-from-Friends-like "Noooooooooo...!"

"Better believe it. Well, anyway, Hank finally thought about seeing to my situation and eventually examined me in his lab. He found out that being permanently iced-up wasn't a secondary mutation. I mean, a secondary mutation should be something that makes you more powerful, right? Not something that limits your powers...and being stuck into ice-form was surely a limitation."

"So, what was the reason for your condition?"

"It was what Hank referred to as "psychological reasons". Said I should heal by getting happier, more complete. One way of doing that would be to find myself a girlfriend, but if that was possible when in ice-form there wouldn't be a problem in the first place!"

"And the other solution...?"

"Work therapy. Being fulfilled in a professional level would change me back to all-flesh Bobby again. But there is actually no way of getting pleasure from accounting. So now we go back to the fact that I was pissed at everybody and needed a way out of the mansion. Now, remember what I did the last time I was pissed at everybody and needed a way out of the mansion?"

"Yeah. You went off to college...Ohhhhhhh!" she mouthed in realization.

"So I went off to college again, wanting to become independent and -more importantly- human again. My ice-condition didn't make me the most popular person in college, so there were no obstructions in my studying...I even finished Law School two years in advance! I was that good! Plus, as soon as I finished college once more, I found out I could turn back into human form again."

"So you studied...Law?"

"Helloooo, news-flash! I am sitting on a lawyer's office, right?"

"Actually, you're sitting on the chair in front of the office."

"Ever the smartass." he said with a grin. "So, I bought this cozy little nightclub and turned the basement into an even cozier headquarter...I even hired Alyson, you know, Dazzler, to sing in my nightclub!"

"I guess I don't have to presume that you also chose her repertoire...!" she said, remembering the ominous song she heard upon entering the nightclub above.

"You know me, Jean...I just wanted to build up some mystery...do you know how many clients I have won because of that song? It makes them think I'm as ruthless and sneaky as a lawyer can get..!"

"A lawyer...? Sneaky? Pfft! Like that would ever be possible!" she joked.

"So, what brings you here?" Bobby said, cutting right into the subject, after all that chit-chat. "I know you would like to see how I am eventually, but not that soon...it's just your second day on Earth and I suppose there should be more urgent things to do... did something happen back at the mansion?"

Jean froze in her seat. Bobby didn't use to have such a direct yet subtle approach to things... must be the lawyer thing.

"Bobby...the truth is that I also came here for professional reasons. Your professional reasons. And I don't mean the accountant aspect of your professions."

"Jean? Why would you need a lawyer for? You're powerful and practically immortal, not to mention that you're inhabited by a cosmic force that doesn't need to follow human logic and laws... What need could you have for my extraordinary, extra-expensive skills?"

"Extra-expensive? But...you could do a discount for me...right? For your... big sister... Jean? Although I can't say I actually have any money right now...the dead have no fortune." she whispered before breaking into silent tears.

"Jean...? Why are you crying? I can tell this isn't about the money...plus I'm not going to charge you anyway...just tell me one thing...what happened to you? Who did this to you?"

Jean looked right into his eyes and a low beat began playing, threatening to build into another song.

The beat soon evolved into a teenage MTV-style pop/rock rhythm, and Jean got up from her seat and began tipping her foot on the floor according to the music. As soon as she should begin singing, a big concert-style microphone with a large base materialized in front of her and she grabbed it, singing into it with painful passion she was repressing until that day:

"His name is Scott-

We used to be together.

He was all I had got,

It just couldn't get any better"

She was lost into a smile as she sang those few verses, which soon disappeared when she reached the harsh reality of her new words.

"And oh, how I miss-

His hot, tender kiss.

But he doesn't want me anymore-

And he doesn't give a damn-about me!"

Suddenly, reaching the chorus, the beat turned into pure light rock and Jean jumped on her armchair, hopping on it and shaking around her big microphone thingy, singing with the rage and the lament of a woman scorn. In the meanwhile, darkness had encompassed the room and only some strategically placed lights were turned on and dancing around like in some rock concert, toned by some amounts of rock-stage-smoke that had mysteriously appeared.

"Cause I'm just a mutant dirtbag baby!

Yeah I'm just a mutant dirtbag baby!

He had another woman's baby-that bitch!

Ooohoo Hoo Hooooooo!"

She jumped back down on the floor and returned to her previous more repressed singing, but making sure that she added a little poisonous tone in her voice as she mouthed the next few verses:

"His new wife's a whore

And she seems to know more "tricks"

Or maybe it's because

She dresses like a Dominatrix

They have a small kid

she won't bother to breast-feed

so he doesn't need me anymore

And he doesn't give a damn about me!"

Jean jumped up on Bobby's desk, kicking away everything that was becoming an obstacle on her presence on it, like laptops, pens, paperwork and other dangerous stuff she could trip on. Bobby flinched upon seeing this but kept watching her...she was giving a good show!

"Cause I'm just a mutant dirtbag baby!

Yeah I'm just a mutant dirtbag baby!

He had another woman's baby-that bitch!

Ooohoo Hoo Hooooooo"

She fell on her knees, still on Bobby's empty now desk, and leaned back as much as she could, bringing the mic to her mouth and practically screaming:

"Oh yeaaaaaah-dirtbaaaaag

No, he doesn't know what he's missing.

Oh yeaaaaaah-dirtbaaaaag

No, he doesn't know what he's missing!"

She brought her body forward again and leaned towards Bobby, still on her knees, grabbing him by his stylish tie, but not in a seductive Jessica Rabbit way, just in a desperate X-Woman way:

"Man I feel like shit-

the moon is full and I am lonely.

You're my only hope-

What can I do to destroy him?

This man's gotta pay-

-Let's "out" him as gay-"

Suddenly she released Bobby's tie and sat on her own butt, realizing that everything was hopeless and she resumed singing with a desperate and quitting tone in her voice...

"But still he won't love me anymore

And he'll never give a damn about . . ."

Suddenly, Bobby grabbed the mic from her hands and brought it to his mouth, interrupting into her song, also leaning towards her to make himself more believable and confident-looking:

"I've got some news for you:

-I'm your lawyer baby-

Listen to me and-

don't say maybe...

We're gonna get him good Jean baby-

you'll see . . . Ooohoo Hoo Hooooooooooo!"

And together they sang, as the both of them climbed on Bobby's desk and they both started smashing some guitars that had just materialized into their hands, all the time laughing and dancing like something big and mischievous was coming along...

"Oh yeaaaaaah-dirtbaaaaag

No, he doesn't know what he's missing.

Oh yeaaaaaah-dirtbaaaaag

No, he doesn't know what he's missiiiiiiiiiiiiing...!" 

Linda the secretary walked in, having a plate with two cups of coffee in her hands to find Bobby and Jean standing on his thrashed office desk, holding some destroyed guitars and laughing hysterically. Broken things were all over the office's floor. Her boss and his obviously older sister looked at her with a "caught-red-handed" expression on their bewildered faces.

"Oh, darn, I knew I should have gotten that job at Hooters instead" she whispered to herself as she rested a hand on her forehead.

TWO MONTHS LATER...

Emma Frost sat on her comfy white couch, lightning one of her exquisitely expensive cigars and bringing it to her mouth. Her baby son was sitting by the fireplace, playing with the stuffed animals he so much loved. But Emma wasn't exactly enthralled by this moment of family and motherly bliss. Because the music had began playing again, for another night, and she simply couldn't bear all the irritating happy thoughts she was picking up from the other side of the mansion.

She couldn't help but contemplate the events of the last few months. When Jean was resurrected, she didn't exactly feel threatened, cause she new that the worst that could happen would be Jean turning bad and having to be killed again. Emma would be certainly fine with that. But Jean proved herself to be a lot trickier than that.

The Phoenix hired Bobby Drake, previously known as Iceman, as a lawyer, and used the legal path this time. Drake, although he wasn't exactly an experienced legal attorney, used his impressive lawyer skills and combined them with his knowledge of the X-Men, since he was an original X-Man himself.

One thing that Drake had in mind was the fact that Jean wasn't Scott's ex-wife, but his dead wife. Scott wasn't a divorced man before marrying Emma, but a widow. And suddenly Jean Grey wasn't dead anymore.

Now, the American law wasn't used to function by X-Men standards, so Drake's claims that Miss Grey was never dead were more likely to believe than the real thing; did they actually expect a judge to believe that Jean had died and came back from the grave, and that wasn't even the first time she had done so?

So, Drake used the more "down to earth" facts to his advantage; Scott Summers had re-married and he hadn't divorced his previous wife Jean Grey-Summers, who happened to be alive. And, by the way, Scott Summers didn't belong to a religion that supported multiple marriages. Therefore his marriage with Emma Frost was never valid.

The marriage of Scott Summers and Emma Frost was immediately annulled, and Scott was now considered still married to Jean Grey, since the two of them had never divorced in the first place.

Scott was really angry at Jean for playing such dirty tricks on him, he never believed that Jean could be bitchy enough to destroy his new marriage and become his wife again, although she knew he didn't want her anymore...so he did the next logical step in order to prove her how wrong she was to challenge him like that; he applied for a divorce.

That was exactly what that filthy lawyer Bobby Drake had predicted. That was Drake's and Jean's aim all along; for Scott to divorce with her. You see, Drake had done his homework and he had researched to find things that currently escaped Scott's mind, furious as he was to get rid of Jean.

When Charles Xavier left the institute to go and rebuild Genosha, he made sure to legally inherit the mansion to Scott, making it Scott's estate. Therefore, Jean had the legal right to claim half the mansion from her divorcee!

Pulling the strings above everyone else, Drake managed to make Scott angry enough to not care about what Jean would claim of his fortune. So they managed to snatch half the Institute from Summers and Jean became half-Headmaster of the Institute. Since there were already two of them around (Emma and Scott), Emma Frost had to step down from Headmaster and leave Scott and Jean bickering with each other.

Soon, the Institute was divided in two; literally! Jean drew a white chalk-line beginning from the middle of the main entrance and divided the mansion in two equal parts; Scott would get the West side of the mansion and Jean would get the East one. The students and teachers also had to pick a side of the mansion to live, and the majority of them chose Jean and Bobby's side rather than Scott and Emma's. It seemed that most of the older residents of the mansion weren't that satisfied with Scott's choice to start dating Emma right after Jean's death, and they held a subconscious grudge against him all the time, a grudge that paid off when Jean came back and everything came to a confrontation.

An excessive amount of mutants was now residing at Jean's half of the mansion, and since they were too many to fit in there they had to sleep in couches and sleeping bags in the corridors. Since they already lived like it was a communal or a camping or something, they decided to act like that as well; Jean's side of the mansion had turned into something between a frat party, a funky Latin night club, a Las Vegas hotel and a hippies-singing-around-the-campfire-thing. The bigger rooms were used as music halls for recreation and fun, and the X-Men and their students spent the whole night partying and singing.

The other half of the mansion, the one where Emma and Scott were being the bosses, was somewhat deserted, and the only thing that could be heard there was the distant, irritating music from the other, funner part of the mansion. The only people that chose to stick with Scott were the students that arrived after Jean's "temporary departure", since they knew nothing about the situation and thought they should stick with the leader they already knew. One of those students was that irritating para-mutant kid from Iceland, which kept bothering Emma's nerves every time he would pass by and she would inevitably pick up his idiotic thoughts.

But, suddenly, a new song that sprung up to life at the other side of the mansion interrupted Emma's resenting thoughts... those bastards sure knew how to party!

She couldn't resist her innate female curiosity...Emma conjured a mental projection of herself and sent it towards the other half of the mansion to have a look at the happenings...it sure beat sitting there and boring herself to death!

Her invisible mental projection walked her way into the empty corridors toward the Main Hall which was the first thing that everyone who entered the mansion would see... there lied the accursed, fat chalk line-that divided the X-Men in two...or more accurately the line that divided her and Scott from the other X-Men.

Crossing the line without fearing for repercussions, since her actual body was asleep back at her own little couch, Emma followed the music to one of the larger halls of the East Wing. Sleeping bags could be seen scattered in every corner, and most lights were turned off for atmosphere's sake...she finally reached a door and walked through it, finding the source of the noise.

The big hall was full of people, even people who normally didn't live there, and a big stage had been set-up for anyone who wanted to grab a mic and sing...it was like a karaoke contest, only it wasn't a contest, and the technology used made it something closer to a real concert rather than a karaoke thing.

But the concert currently resembled a Las Vegas show, with everyone gathered around the stage dancing to the old-fashioned music and waiting for Wolverine, who was deliciously shaking his hips onstage, to actually start singing with his rugged, strong and sexy voice, while some kitsch Inca-style dressed hotties were dancing around him:

"It's not unusual to be loved by anyone

It's not unusual to have fun with anyone

but when I see her hanging about with anyone

It's not unusual to see me cryyyy,

ohhhhhhhh I wanna' die"

Logan seemed to be singing with impressive cheer and a hidden sincerity in his voice...there was a feeling in his performance as if he really meant what he sang, although he didn't feel the pain most people who were in love did...it was almost as if he was in love with someone who would never answer back but he was happy with it anyway!

Emma also noticed that Jean wasn't present in the room...which is why own her telepathic presence wasn't located yet. Then she remembered that Jean had gone out tonight, and rumors said that she had hooked up with a millionaire that would help her rebuild the East Wing in order to fit everybody in...

Logan kept singing with cheerful abandon as his back-vocalists, Jubilee and Kitty, appeared behind him, at the deep end of the stage, in order to aid him into his singing...the crowd was going mad at the time, as it seemed that the gathering was reaching its peak at the "fun factor", and the Inca-dressed girls were jumping into the crowd to dance within them.

"It's not unusual to go out at any time

but when I see her out and about it's such a crime

if she should ever want to be loved by anyone,

It's not unusual

-it happens every day, no matter what I say-

I guess it happens all the tiiiiiime

love will never do what I want it to

why can't this telepath be miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine?"

Logan winced as he realized how he almost revealed his secret feelings with those last words...but before anyone from the crowd would realize what he mouthed and look up to him with raised eyebrows, he started dancing crazily in order to avert the attention from the changed lyrics... A rampage of cheers and claps was the response from below him, as he swung the mic around holding it from its cable and shook his ass towards the ladies behind him, sticking his tongue out for extra naughtiness effect.

Soon everyone was hyped up to the maximum and Logan began finishing his song and setting up the grounds for the next X-Man on the microphone...

"It's not unusual, to be mad with anyone

It's not unusual, to be sad with anyone

but if I ever find that she changed her mind sometime

it's not unusual to find out that I'm in love with her

whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh, whoa-ohhhhh-ohhhhhh-ohhhhh whoa-oh-oh-oh..."

As soon as Wolverine had finished his inspirational performance, the music changed into a funky Latin tune...it was Calypso! The partying crowd began cheering as they formed a huge conga line around the room. Logan threw his microphone into exactly the middle of the crowd, and a large, blue and furry hand sprang up and grabbed it.

The Beast winked playfully to Logan and then turned his attention to the sensational beauty next to him, Ororo Munroe, also known as Storm or Beast's Girlfriend. The huge conga line was encircling the two of them, they were literally the center of all attention! Storm started a solo dance that would put J.Lo to shame, shaking it like she was born in Rio De Janeiro after all and not Egypt (or Harlem, to be more accurate).

Hank just pointed his blue fingers at Ororo and began singing his heart out to her!

"Shake, shake, shake, Ororo, shake your body line

Shake, shake, shake, Ororo, shake it all the time!

Work, work, work, Ororo, work that body line

Work, work, work, Ororo, work it all the time!"

Then Hank turned to the people around them and kept singing, looking at them as if he was opening up to them and telling them about the happiness that filled his life:

"My girl's name is Ororo

I tell you friends, I adore her

And when she dances, oh brother

She's a goddess chick in all kinds of weather"

Getting in the mood, everyone in the room joined in for the chorus, with Hank only adding his own little solo words every now and then:

"(Jump in de line, rock your body in time!)-OK, I believe you

(Jump in de line, rock your body in time!)-OK, I believe you

(Jump in de line, rock your body in time!)-OK, I believe you

(Jump in de line, rock your body in time!)-Whoa!

Shake, shake, shake, Ororo, shake your body line-Whoa

Shake, shake, shake, Ororo, shake it all the time!

Work, work, work, Ororo, work your body line

Work, work, work, Ororo, work it all the time!"

Once more, Hank began showcasing his love for Storm, as she kept shaking her booty in ways that would make a real Latin chica green with envy:

"You can talk about cha cha

Tango, waltz, or de rumba

Ororo's dance has more title

You jump in the saddle

Hold on to de bridle

(Jump in de line, rock your body in time!)-OK, I believe you

(Jump in de line, rock your body in time!)-Rock your body, child!

(Jump in de line, rock your body in time!)-Somebody, help me!

(Jump in de line, rock your body in time!)-Whoa!"

Emma's mental projection began worrying as she caught herself tapping her toes on the floor according to the music. She could see every single X-Man in that accursed conga line; except for Jean of course, and that filthy ice-breathed lawyer of hers! She could see that Kitty, Logan and Jubilee had joined the huge conga line, and Jubilation must have drunk a little too much, since she had put her hands on the ass of the guy in front of her and not his waist as she was supposed to. Never mind that the guy in front of Jubilee was Nightcrawler!

On the other corner of the room, Rogue and Gambit were making out, totally indifferent to the public around them, acting like they were in some frat party!

Emma really considered what would happen if someone attacked the mansion the very next morning, finding a mass of hangover-happy X-Men inside.

Beast continued his singing, oblivious to the presence of Emma's mental image in the room:

"Shake, shake, shake, Ororo, shake your body line

Shake, shake, shake, Ororo, shake it all the time-Whoa!

Work, work, work, Ororo, work your body line-Yep!

Work, work, work, Ororo, work it all the time!

Ororo, she's a sensation

The reason for av-iation!

And fellas, you got to watch it

When she wind up she bottom she go like a rocket!"

Right at this moment, wanting to add dramatic effect to Hank's last lines, Ororo used her powers to raise herself up the air with a soft breeze, making everyone around go "Whoaaaaa!" as she resumed dancing with more gusto as she levitated above everyone's head. Everybody resumed singing with added excitement as they watched her dance like a real Goddess.

"(Jump in de line, rock your body in time)-OK, I believe you!

(Jump in de line, rock your body in time)-Hoist those guns a leetle higher!

(Jump in de line, rock your body in time)-Humpin' jiminy!

(Jump in de line, rock your body in time)-Whoa oh oh oh"

Ororo abruptly let herself come back down, and she landed right on her feet and resumed dancing before everyone could apprehend what happened. She was really into it now, slapping her thighs and putting her palms at the sides of her butt while she looked sultrily at her blue and seriously feline lover, who returned to the song with a voice that thankfully didn't resemble a cat at all.

"Shake, shake, shake, Ororo

Shake your body line!

Work, work, work, Ororo

Work itall the time!

Dance, dance, dance, Ororo

Dance itall the time!

Work, work, work, Ororo

Work itall the time!

Ororo dances calypso

Left to right is de tempo

And when she gets the sensation

She go up in the air

Come down in slow motion!"

Storm followed the lyrics once more and raised herself up to the ceiling, and then slowly came back down as she did a full circle around herself. The conga lines broke as everyone parted from each other and went to dancing by themselves or with their significant other, knowing that the party was soon coming to an end.

"(Jump in de line, rock your body in time)-OK, I believe you

(Jump in de line, rock your body in time)-Somebody, help me!

(Jump in de line, rock your body in time)-OK, I believe you

(Jump in de line, rock your body in time)-Whooooa

Shake, shake, shake, Ororo, shake your body line

Shake, shake, shake, Ororo, shake itall the time

Work, work, work, Ororo!"

As everyone broke into clapping their hands not only to Beast and Wolverine for their sensational performances but also to each other for the fun they have offered to one another, Emma decided to shut off her mental projection and get away from all this unreasonably high cheerfulness...it made her stomach sick.

"I know I'm not the telepath in this room, but you were gone for too long... That means you actually liked what you had been watching, although you might never admit it."

What the hell? Emma's consciousness had just returned into her body, but she remembered being alone in the room with her son when she left it.

She looked directly at the source of the voice, which was the other side of the couch she was sprawled upon. What she met was two sparkling blue eyes and a set of Colgate-white teeth, all suitably packed in the sleaziest grin she had ever taken sight of...

Drake.

"What's all that shock for? You had been drifting away in the sores of the exquisite art of mental peeping, so someone had to watch out for the kid and make sure that he doesn't climb into the fireplace or something..." He made it sound like an excuse but she knew he was actually judging her of being a careless mother. He had made himself comfortable on her sofa, which showed that he had been there pretty much from the moment her body went limp and her mind went off to "peep" at the other side of the mansion.

"Get your feet off that coffee table or die." was however the thing that she had to say before everything else. That table was a heirloom she had brought all the way from Massachusetts. And she was the notorious White Queen, she probably wouldn't hesitate to punish him in a real bitchy way if he gave her an opening.

"Uh?" he mouthed, before realizing what she meant and put his feet back on the floor. "Oh, well. But you should know that these Armani shoes which were touching your coffee table are probably more expensive that the table itself." he added, gesturing to his feet.

"I suppose you didn't come all the way here just to show off your newfound economic comfort, Robert dear?"

"Show off my money to you? You're like Bill Gates, Emma... only with bigger boobs and better taste in clothing. And a blond wig." he kinda winced at the mental image of Bill Gates with all the aforementioned "attributes".

"Your smooth way of talking to women was always one of your greater charms, Robert..." she answered back with an evil smile. She was taking the upper hand again at this little word game they were beginning to form.

"Yeah, yeah. Your son, by the way, seemed to have a great time as long as you were missing in action." he changed subject, gesturing towards Emma's little boy. The kid was still playing by the fireplace, only this time his stuffed animals were somewhat gutted, their fluffy exterior had been ripped open by something sharp and their stuffing was hanging out. Tommy was still holding the head of a decapitated Bugs Bunny figure and pretended that it growled to the other maimed toys.

"A cute kid, really." he added as he saw Emma's eyes blinking, not because she was surprised at what se saw, but because she was surprised that Bobby had seen it too. Then she suddenly stared at him.

"Did she send you here? Does she want to add threats and little mind-games to everything else she has already done? Why doesn't she come here and do her dirty work herself? Hasn't she done enough already? It's not like she's not capable of screwing with us once more." if it was any other woman these words would have brought her in hysterical levels, but Emma sounded as cool and self-controlled as a surgeon who was bored of his work.

"I came here 'cause I felt like it, Em. You think that, being Jean's legal representative, I would fell like representing her in every other aspect of her life as well? Then I would have to get into a catfight with you, or just fry your ass with my big cosmic-powered fire-turkey."

"You would have your sorry behind kicked if you got in a catfight with me, anyway." she said snottily.

"Yeah. There's a reason that guys never get into 'catfights' with the ladies. You see, there's already a handicap when only one of the two opponents has nuts that can be kicked. And especially when the other one was boots with huge point heels..." Bobby was beginning to worry himself with how much he was drifting away in this little chat...and to which direction.

"Okay, okay, I got your point already! So, you felt like coming up here and intimidating me with mental images of nasty nut-kicking? That's so not like you."

"You really think you're the bad guy in the story, don't you Emma? You're not the center of the universe as often as you believe you should be, you know. Nobody has a grudge against you for stealing Scott from Emma. Scott isn't an object to steal. He made a choice. A bad, unconventional choice, maybe."

"A bad choice? "A bad choice?" I only showed him that he had other options...besides sticking with a woman that got to die every second year and then come back, only to die again. It's like a really perverted on-and-off relationship. I didn't do anything wrong. And what the Hell am I doing? I don't even have to apologize to you!"

" You, Emma, did nothing wrong to apologize for. It's Scott that is going to suffer a few consequences for his options. You were actually supportive for Scott, and you really loved him. As far as Scott is concerned you always did him justice." He glanced at her growling son and then back at her. "Didn't you?"

As she also glanced back and forth for a second, Bobby didn't give her the chance to open her mouth and respond, but only kept talking, after dropping his little bomb.

"Maybe everyone wanted to blame you at first, but you're really not to blame at all. You only did what you always did." Bobby now seemed like he was at her side, being comforting and much less venomous than usual. That filthy patronizer!

"And what is it that I always did, pray tell?" she said, indifferently but with a raised eyebrow nonetheless.

"Being a bitch."

Now her eyes grew big like those of an anime cartoon.

"Did the words that I think that just came out of your mouth actually came out of your...filthy, crap-eating, lawyer mouth!"

"Yeap. No offense, Em, but you're a Big Ole Bitch. You're, like, the Queen of Bitches. An all classy, sexy, gorgeous, man-stealing, pun-shooting, I-don't-give-a-shit-about-your-damn-opinion Bitch."

"Why, you..."

"It's sexy, really. That's what your charm is all about. But it's growing old." He got up from the couch, partly because he was afraid of her big white boots with the pointy heels, but mostly because of what he planned next.

To sing.

He bounced back on the couch and stood on it, ignoring Emma's deadly stare on him (he was still wearing his shoes, after all!) and a very well-known music started playing out of nowhere, startling Emma's little son, Tommy, who growled in lament and run away to his room.

Bobby had settled his feet good on the couch and grabbed a broom, icing it up and then breaking it, separating the broomstick from the more useful part of the broom, turning it into an icy microphone, and taking a rock-star pose, although the music really didn't resemble rock at all. Right as Emma was ready to kick him out of her couch and give him a real nice shiner with her extra-pointy heels, he started singing with a surprisingly cheeky and self-confident voice:

"You can bitch, you can moan, having the time of your life

-oooohhhh-See that ho, watch these boots, dig in the Bitching Queeeeeen!"

Then he suddenly jumped off the couch and crouched right by Emma's face (who was still leaning on the couch) singing to her very close to her lips, taunting her with his lyrics.

"You had men by the legions,

Always treated them like morons

You need someone to tame you, take you under his wing

You really could use a "King"

Not anybody could be that guy

Should be tough enough to make you cry

Cause when you're not being restricted, but just do what you want

You're a wench with huge fangs,

And when you get the chance..."

Bobby stood up and took a very epic pose, looking as if he was singing for a great legend of the past...he really looked ominous yet irritating to Emma at the time.

"You are the Bitching Queen, sour and mean, long past seventeen

Bitching Queen, makes male hearts beat like tambourine yeah-yeahhhhh

You can bitch, you can moan, having the time of your life

-oooohhhh-

See that ho, watch these boots, dig in the Bitching Queeeeeeeeen!"

Leaning over her on the same couch, Bobby run his non-occupied hand ('cause the other one was busy holding the mic, you perverts:P ) up Emma's semi-exposed leg, from the tip of her stiletto heel up to the finishing of her white leather thigh-level uber-sexy boot, closing his face to her and looking at her straight in the eye, with an almost teasingly seductive tone.

"With your thigh boots, you turn 'em on

But you know all that white leather's wrooong

Looking out for more victims, anyone will do

You're in the mood for some fun

And when you get the chance..."

Pretending up to the point that he was almost ready to come on to her, Bobby flipped back up from Emma and started dancing on her priceless coffee table. Emma was so enthralled by the sight by then that she didn't notice his expensive Armani shoes marking the eucalypt-made surface of her heirloom furniture.

"You are the Bitching Queen, dipped in sin, horny like a teen

Bitching Queen, makes male hearts beat like tambourine yeah-yeahhhhh

You can bitch, you can moan, having the time of your life

-oooohhhh-

Look at her scheme, a diamond dream, dig in the Bitching Queeeeeeeeeen

...Dig in the Bitching Queeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!"

As Bobby paused his singing, he froze right where he was standing, having just realized that he had been dancing on Emma's table, which was supposed to be off-bounds in the first place. He looked at her, expecting her bitchy apocalyptic wrath, but instead saw her smiling...the thing that he actually didn't know was that she was barely able to suppress her urge to break into delirious clapping.

"So, Robert dear, you really think I'm a bitch, don't you?" she asked him in a very calm tone instead.

"Gee, and here I thought all that singing hadn't made my point clear by now." he trailed off, getting back his cool facade again.

That actually made her chuckle. "You're good, you..."

"I should be going. Jean has returned." he interrupted, as she felt another telepathic presence flashing into Drake's head, as if someone was showing him a telepathic projection of themselves. "It was nice to see you after all these years, Em."

She just coyly gestured her hand towards the door, as if she was dismissing him for the time being. The truth is that since she hadn't even invited him in, she wasn't supposed to send him off like this. Especially after he had announced his leaving by himself. Thank God Drake wasn't in the mood to stay there a bit more and talk about her gesture.

Emma really needed to be alone for a while...Drake's opinion on her had struck her as a surprise, but mostly a pleasant one...she knew she wasn't a pleasant person, hell, she had once been a villain, but most people would only call her a bitch behind her back...or, at least, out of her telepathic reach. And those people certainly didn't call her a bitch with a positive meaning, like Drake did.

"Bitchy is sexy." she repeated to herself and smiled, before getting up and going to check on her son.

A couple of days had passed, and Logan was relieved to know that Jean's billionaire date a few nights before was none other than Warren Worthington III aka Archangel. It seemed that Warren had expressed his intention to fund Jean in her attempt to rule as Headmistress and she had went off to meet him for that reason and only, so it wasn't a date after all. Now the East part of the mansion was crowded with engineering people and workers, walking around all the time like working bees and setting things up and adding a whole new wing to the mansion, so that it would be able to welcome every single student by Jean's side without having them practically sleep on each other.

Logan was pleased to see Jean happy; he couldn't tell if she was happy that her students would all have their own places to sleep from now on, or maybe because this whole ordeal would piss Scott off even further. Or maybe it was the combination of those two that made her so chipper. 

There she was now, standing by the phone, waiting for Jubilee to finally hang up to whoever she was talking to in order to make a call of her own, and she was so utterly beautiful that he just had to talk to her.

After all, she wasn't married to anybody now, she was practically free for the taking, not that Logan viewed her as an object to be taken anyway. And those two months that had passed had only made Logan's affection for her become greater, so now he really had to do something about it.

He walked to her casually and touched her shoulder, as she still was busy looking over Jubilee's own shoulder.

"Jean..." he tried to say, but he was interrupted:

"Logan! I was looking for you these last few days. I need to have a word with you. Please come to my office." she said and then proceeded to practically drag him out of there and towards her office.

"Oh, God bless the Wolverine!" Jubilee exclaimed as she kept occupying the phone. "I thought that she was never going to leave my side and let me chat my heart out in peace! What? No, darling, I wasn't talking about you, no worries...so, tell me, Ian, do all Australians have the same sexy accent as you do?"

"Do you know why I brought you here?" Jean's voice was disconcertingly calm...it had that strange aura that somebody's voice has right before telling you some really bad news...

"You're the telepathic one, Jeannie. Don't ask me."

"I'm sorry if it feels like I'm trespassing your personal thoughts, but these last few days I couldn't help picking up stray thoughts from everyone around me every now and then...it must be the added power of the Phoenix inside me, I won't be able to block those stray thoughts for a little while...until I learn to control it again."

It seemed that Jean had picked up some of his recently empowered emotions that he had for her. It seemed that Jean wanted them to talk about the possibility of anything of romantic nature happening between them. It seemed that Logan was going to get shafted. It was okay. He never was the kind of hero who would get the girl at the end of the movie, after all, so he was already used to it.

"The Phoenix has made my telepathy so much stronger that I could even pick up your thoughts..."

"It's okay, red. I can trust you with those thoughts, but I know what you're gonna say, and believe me, it's okay. There's no need to analyze this any further, it's been done to death already."

"That's not the point, Logan. The things I picked up, they were...they were...it was something that really needs to be discussed. It was something buried in the deepest edges of your memory, something hidden, even from you. You have to know."

That's weird. Being a ridiculously lovesick wolverine for her was never hidden in his deepest secret thoughts. And he certainly hadn't forgotten about it.

"These last years...do you remember yourself yearning for something that you just couldn't put your finger on what it was...? Something to do with having someone to take care of and protect?"

"I did. But you were dead, Jeannie. And Jubilee had grown up, she didn't look up to me like she did before. There was this strong need for..."

"...you to be a father figure. But you didn't know why."

"There was Morten, of course, but he never quite bonded with me the way other children would. He's a nice kid, though."

"Logan. I know why. I know why you needed to take care of all these kids. There was a...void inside you. Like you lost a kid -a real child of yours- and you needed to replace that feeling by taking care of other youngsters."

"I don't remember having any children...not in those last five years, at least."

"Logan...that's what the memories carefully hidden in your subconscious are all about. Do you remember having an affair with...Emma Frost?"

"WHAT?...Emma...Frost? You're not serious."

"I know what I found inside your mind, Logan. And I'm sure that if you let me search a little further I'll be able to unlock these memories for you, so that you will be able to remember them yourself."

"But why would the memories of a possible affair with Emma Frost be locked somewhere where even I wouldn't be able to reach them? It doesn't make sense, Jeannie!"

"Logan. Let's look at the facts. You had sex with Emma Frost. Emma Frost is married. Emma Frost is also a powerful telepath, probably powerful enough to break through your mental defenses by now. Don't you think that this little equation is reaching a very apparent result?"

"She made me forget about our affair...!"

"Yes, Logan, but why didn't she just erase all those memories, but instead stored them in some unreachable corners of your mind, risking the exposure of all this information?"

"And why would she want me to forget about all this...? Hey, maybe she sucked at bed and wanted to hide it from everybody!"

"Now, Logan, that's something that Bobby would say." she responded, rolling her eyes.

"Bobby slept with Emma too?" Wolverine was now officially confused.

"Ha! He wishes!" she shot out, before reaching Logan and putting each hand at the sides of his head, easing up the process of unveiling the memories stashed inside.

Inside Logan's Mind

Jean was suddenly in a wholly new place, probably inside Logan's memories that had been stored away. She recognized the place as the exterior of a very classy restaurant, not very far from the Westchester Mansion. She heard some old sad blues music playing and approached the big window, willing to have a peek inside...that's where she would probably find the information she was looking for.

In the middle of the restaurant, she saw a band playing and Logan and Emma were there, dancing together a slow, heart-breaking piece of music. A few feet away from the she could see the table they had abandoned in order to dance; it seemed that they were on a secret date, and probably not one of the first ones. The other patrons had stopped eating their food and they looked at Emma and Logan dancing, probably amazed from their dancing skills, some of them even cheered in the process. But suddenly Emma tripped and fell on Logan's arms, and from the look of her face it seemed more likely that she felt sick and couldn't stand on her feet rather than just trying to sexually assault Logan.

That's when Logan's mental voice started singing from nowhere into Jean's ear, narrating the events of that night to her in slow, heart-breaking rhythms, with a gut-wrenching tone in his voice:

"We skipped the light Fandango

Turned cartwheels 'cross the floor

She was feeling kind of seasick

She almost fainted on the floor

The room was humming harder

As the ceiling flew away

When we called out for another drink

The waiter brought a tray"

Suddenly-flash- the world around her instantly changed and transported Jean outside the window of a doctor's office. Emma and Logan were in there with the doctor, who had just finished examining her and was talking to them about something, which Jean couldn't hear. Logan's tuxedo and Emma's sparkling nightgown told her that that memory was from the same night, only a couple of hours after they urgently left the restaurant. As they listened to the doctor, both mutants' faces seemed lit with surprise and worry. For an instance, Emma trailed a hand over her belly, and suddenly Jean understood what the doc was telling them about.

"And so it waaaaaas that later

As the doctor told his tale 

That her face, at first just ghostly

Turned a whiter shade of pale"

The scene around her changed again, and this time Jean was still out on the street, with the difference that Emma and Logan were now standing right across the street, having just exited the doctor's office. Jean had no need to listen to what they were talking about, Logan's mental voice was singing to her all she needed to know.

"She said there is no reason

For her One-Eyed man to know

But I wandered through her teary eyes

And I would not let her goooo

I just went ahead and asked her

If the baby would be mine

But she said that we could not go ooon

And wiped my mind like poured wine"

Across the street, Emma raised her hand and touched Logan's hair, and suddenly he went limp and fainted on the wet pavement, his recent memories erased. Emma started walking away, but she kept bringing her hands to her eyes every once in a while, a gesture that made it obvious the fact that she was trying not to cry. Logan's mental voice went even more heart-breaking as he reached the song's tear-jerking ending.

"And so it waaaaaas that laaaaaater

As her tears began to trail

That my face, at first just ghostly

Turned a whiter shade of pale"

Outside Logan's Mind

The Great and Fearsome Wolverine scooped an escaping tear from the corner of his eye. It seemed that now that he remembered everything, the whole truth was taking on him.

"We apparently were both to blame, Jean." he said, his voice close to breaking. "She was pregnant with Scott's baby, that's why she ended our affair, although we loved each other. She even made it easier for me by making me forget about everything, while she still has to live with the memories of what she couldn't have. She made a sacrifice for her baby's and my own good, Jean. I guess I'm the bad guy in this story." his voice ended up in sniffles.

"Save me the waterworks, buddy." Jean said in a dead-cold voice. She seemed particularly insensitive about his whole ordeal.

That's when Logan noticed that she still had her hands on his head, not to mention her eyes that were still shut, like she was concentrating on something.

"Hm...a-ha! There. Got it." she mumbled, then opened her eyes abruptly like a random scary undead guy from any b-movie. "Logan. These memories...they're all a big ole load of crap. Fake. Manufactured."

"W-WHAT! Jean, you're not serious, are ya?"

"Logan! These memories are probably taken out from some melodramatic movie! Look at Emma today; she hardly even seems to care about her four-year old son. What makes you think that she would give up on you for his sake? Can't you that there's something deeper?"

"Of course she doesn't seem to love her son...maybe he reminds her of all the happiness she could have by my side and blames the kid for making her break up with me."

"Don't humor yourself, Logan, dammit! The woman has played everyone for a fool! The memories you just discovered are a scam! Like a doctor would be able to tell that she was pregnant from a mere quick exam! She clearly made it all up in order to cover up the real memories...the ones I just found right underneath the fake ones. I guess that she didn't expect that the Phoenix would be the one to dig them out when she tucked them under that melodramatic fake-o-rama of hers! She even has bigger boobs in those fake memories! Jeez!"

"More hidden memories? What do they reveal to you, Jeannie?"

"There was never an affair. She just-oh my god- she simply brainwashed you into having sex with her! Then she blew off the little memories you had of your little sex-capades and tucked them under the romantic ones she created! That little bitch!"

"I don't get it...why would she have raw, no-strings-attached sex with me and not want me to remember it, only cover it up with fake memories of a star-crossed love affair that also got stored away in my sub-conscious? Isn't that theory a little nuts? What's your explanation?"

"You better ask Emma herself.. when you go claim your son from her!"

"My...son?" So Emma's kid was really his? And what was the matter with all the hidden memories? Logan's mind was about to burst open from all the confusion.

"Well, I guess there's only one was to make the information sink in, Logan. We're gonna sing a song...about YOU!" Jean said and she made a gesture, opening the door that led to the main hall, where everybody that was by Jean's side was once again partying his heart out!

As both Logan and Jean stepped into the main hall, her eyes flamed on from the Phoenix energy gathering inside her. The ongoing partying abruptly stopped and everyone looked at Jean with surprise, worried about a possible new manifestation of the Dark Phoenix.

But Dark Phoenix it wasn't.

It was the brand new, improved, All-Singing, All Dancing Phoenix and all of her gathered energy suddenly lashed out and entered every single mind of every single person currently present in the room, letting them know about the situation and about the show they would have to put on for Wolverine.

The room went dark and only a couple of spotlights, lighting the center of the main hall were breaking the total darkness around them. Bobby Drake appeared under one of the spotlights and grabbed a microphone, taking the most intimidating look a lawyer could take.

Jean herself sat on a couch that was spotlighted by the second source of light in the hall, and she was immediately joined by Storm, who sat besides her with her all-new afro look, not to mention the huuuge ring-like earrings adorning her ears and pointing out even more the hugeness of her new afro hair. They both assumed disco diva-like positions on the couch, and that was when a beat began playing, telling everyone that the show was just beginning.

The people around began clapping along with the beat, supporting the funkyness in it, and Gambit jumped out of nowhere, sat on a little stool and began accompanying the beat with a funky little solo of his guitar.

And that was when a very well-known rhythm from a famous disco anthem made itself obvious, building up the music and getting everyone around more excited.

And as the music crescendo-ed, everybody else in the room began supporting the music with some very appropriately placed "hey's":

"HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY!"

Until the beat broke into the real song, an real disco epic, and an enormous disco ball descended from the roof and enlightened the whole place a little more, making everyone stop heying and start dancing like crazy!

Bobby was the one to start singing with a very deep, manly, awe-inspiring tone in his voice like he wanted to make it more epic, and his verses were automatically completed by the two ladies on the couch opposing him, Storm and Phoenix, who sang with cheeky and sexy involvement and blew kisses to an astounded Wolverine:

(Bobby): "There lived a certain man in Canada long ago..."

(Phoenix+Storm): "He was hairy and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow!"

(Bobby): "Most people looked at him with terror and with fear!"

(Phoenix+Storm): "But to Xavier's chicks he was such a horny dear!"

Then the ladies continued by themselves, singing with slutty pleasure in their voice and rubbing their bodies over their skimpy and kitsch disco clothing:

"He could gut his foes like no other killer

Full of ruthlessness and fire

But he also was the kind of "driller"

Women would desire"

And then everybody in the room broke into singing the chorus, along with Jean, Ororo and Bobby, as they raised their hands on the air disco-style:

"WO-WO-WOLVERINE!

Lover of the White Queen

No matter that she had no real crown

WO-WO-WOLVERINE!

Greatest mutant love machine

But two white boots made him lose his throooooone!"

Logan could only watch at the whole thing open-mouthed. The funky music made everyone dance in abandon but also put a show on for him and him only, after all, their song was dedicated to him! Bobby respectfully continued the singing showdown between him and the disco-ladies on the couch, who kept crossing and un-crossing their legs according to the rhythm...

(Bobby): "She has a little boy, says it belongs to Cyke"

(Phoenix+Storm): "But some day the truth's gonna shine like a new bike!"

(Bobby): "In all affairs of state he's still the man to please-"

(Phoenix+Storm): "But he's getting old -there's no girl he hasn't 'squeezed' "

The ladies kept the song going by themselves, blinking a teasing eye at Logan across the room:

"For the queen he is no more a lover

Though she knows his 'assets' well

She pretends she's faithful wife n' mother

But soon she's getting hell!"

The whole room broke into singing the chorus again:

"WO-WO-WOLVERINE!

Lover of the White Queen

No matter that she had no real crown

WO-WO-WOLVERINE!

Greatest mutant love machine

But two white boots made him lose his throoooooone!"

Suddenly, everything went black again and a single spotlight pointes at Beast who was hanging from the unlit now disco ball on the roof and talked with a very ominous voice:

"But when his remorse and curiosity and his need

for something more became apparent to more and more people,

the encouragement to do something about this outrageous

situation became louder and louder."

As he said those words, everything went shiny again because the disco ball was once more switched on and Beast bounced off it, letting the music go wild again and the people start supporting it again:

"HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY!"

Bobby got ready for the last rematch with Storm and Jean sitting opposite him:

(Bobby): " "This man' is going down!" old Cyke said years ago"

(Phoenix+Storm): "But Professor said "Come on, let him have a go!"

(Bobby): "Today he doesn't know this man's his downfall"

(Phoenix+Storm): "Back those days he was right wanting him to take the fall!"

Then all three of them sang the next few verses, as Bobby also jumped on the couch with the disco-diva wannabes:

"Soon some day the time is gonna arrive

That all truth will get to rail

Then all Hell will break loose on their asses

And Phenoix shall prevail!"

And everyone present in the room sang the ending verses of a song that was really going to change Logan's life...for ever:

"WO-WO-WOLVERINE!

Lover of the bitchin' Queen

His feelings do not matter to her

WO-WO-WOLVERINE!

Greatest mutant love machine

She broke his heart but won't get awaaaaaaaaaaaay!

WO-WO-WOLVERINE!

Lover of the bitchin' queen

He never quits so the time has come

WO-WO-WOLVERINE!

Greatest mutant love machine

...To find out whether he has a soooonnnnn!"

TO BE CONTINUED...

Coming on Part 3: who gets to be...

"The All-Singing, All- Dancing Boyfriend Of The Phoenix!"

With songs such as: "Emma Don't Bitch", "I Lost My Heart To A Filthy Lawyer" and a humble homage in Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive"!

Don't lose the amazing conclusion to this epic tale of romance, deceit and unjustified singing! 


End file.
